Ask The Mistress
I have been asked over the years about certain types of play, safety, execution, and things relating to fetishes. Recently, I was asked by two separate individuals about oxygen deprivation, and this was before the sad news of David Carradine's death associated with breath play. I would like to post the letters here as they contain very useful information.
If there is anything else you would like to ask, please do. It pleases me to know that I am here, not just as your thrill guide, but to serve as an educational resource insuring that you play safe and teeter upon the edge without incident.
On a side note, the letter I am about to post is from a man I will call "Jay" who is now in counseling. His therapist suggested he get a dog because the dog would always be around and he wouldn't be tempted to "bag" himself. I think that is brilliant.
I will post my first two letters by commenting on this post. If you would like to ask a question or post a comment, click on the word, "comment".
I err on the side of caution always. In addition, I know first aide and CPR.
RACK: Risk Aware Consensual Kink or SSC: Safe Sane and Consensual.
Play safe!
Sharina Nicole
posted by Sharina Nicole at
12:43 AM
5 Comments:
My first letter is from "mark"
In a message dated 11/9/2008 6:59:58 P.M. Central Standard Time, m@comcast.net writes:
hello..
I have recently discovered my wife has a breath deprivation fetish, she does not know I know.. I think she would really like to play it out, but I think if she thought I knew about it she would be embarassed.............
any thoughts???
mark b
mark,
Breath play is dangerous because the effects are accumulative meaning that if she is into it enough where she deprives the body of oxygen, over time, there is a possibility her body could give out and she could suffer a heart attack, brain damage or death. Things may go along fine, and then out of nowhere, the body gives out and the person is in big trouble and fast.
I know of someone who was in the scene for years and years. Very experienced... Had a huge latex fetish and loved oxygen deprivation. Unfortunately, he made a couple of mistakes that lead to his death. First, he was playing alone, second, coupled with a plastic bag and some nitrous oxide, he ended up getting himself in a situation he couldn't get out of, especially alone. He was found by a group of people who were horrified to find him. Having someone in the room for this kind of play does not, of course, guarantee that nothing fatal will happen.
I would suggest reading up on it. Do a search for "breath play" on the Internet. Also, there is information in the book by Jay Wiseman in the book S/m 101.
Here are few of links:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Auto-erotic_asphyxiation
http://www.fortunecity.com/westwood/carving/417/breathplay.html
http://public.diversity.org.uk/deviant/bfbreath.htm
Tell her you love her, recently discovered she may have a thing for breath play and see where it goes. If you state that you care immensely for her and wouldn't want anything to happen to her, she may be embarrassed, but would feel good knowing that you cared about her enough to be honest.
Having a fetish or a proclivity to certain forms of play is something we are born with or are drawn to. We don't know why we love to be tied up, teased erotically, needles pushed into the skin, but we do. The best thing for you to do is to get information about her interest, and either find a way to play with her SAFELY, or find an alternative. I know that latex play is huge with people who have an inclination for breath play, and with re-breather hoods, gags, and sensory deprivation gear, it lends to the possibility of safer play.
I hope this information proves useful. Please don't hesitate to contact me and let me know how things are going!
Take care,
M Sharina
P.S. I may post your letter (anonymously) since this is a question I have received before. I have always encouraged the credo of Safe, Sane and Consensual play...
LETTER 2 From "jay"
In a message dated 11/16/2008 11:39:26 P.M. Central Standard Time, b@yahoo.com writes:
Ms Sharina Nicole,
Do any of your Mistress perform breath play? Prefer with plastic bags or rebreather bags?
I see you equipment includes gasmasks and Oxygen masks?
Can i ask you something, If someone is doing solo breath play with plastic bags or rebreather bags. Is that still dangerous to do alone? Then say hanging or chokings?
If the person can't stop doing it because it's an addiction, would seeking professional help be recommended? Especially if they tried stopping on there own,but can't go a week without doing it?
Slave,
Jay
Hi slave jay,
I recently received an E-mail asking a similar question about the dangers of breath play. I'll share the question and my answer with you after I reply to your question specifically. (See previous letter)
In answer to your question, breath play can ALWAYS be dangerous. The key is to make sure that the kind of breath play you are experiencing isn't robbing your body of the needed oxygen it needs to survive. Over time (because this is accumulative,) the body breaks down and years later, (or earlier) you may find yourself in severe trouble, experiencing a heart attack or asphyxiation.
In reference to plastic bags or re-breather bags/hoods, you can still breathe. Even still, I would NEVER recommend using this form of oxygen deprivation, even if it is minute, while alone. We do funny things when we get turned on, and it is tempting to see how far we can go, if not this time, next time. If you are alone, it is easier to step over the edge, and breath play is edge play.
In reference to hanging and/or choking, some people enjoy a type of mock hanging. With this type of play or anything that is wrapped around the neck, the danger lies with the carotid artery. The carotid artery is a main artery that runs from the head and neck and is the main supply of oxygenated blood for these areas. If you apply pressure to this area, even slight in some people, the person will lose consciousness.
I speak and play with a lot of people who have addictions based on their fetishes. Most of them are harmless. When we get into an area where certain kinds of play affect our ability to stay healthy whether it is emotionally or physically, there is a problem. Seeking professional help may be necessary.
I'd like to refer you to a web site that can help: http://www.ncsfreedom.org
Here you can find what is called a "kink aware professional," "KAP" These are professionals such as doctors, psychotherapists and even lawyers who are more understanding of a person's kink. or lifestyle that involves BDSM. They may give you better direction based on that, than someone who has no education or has judgment about kinks that would include BDSM and fetishes. Once at the homepage of this web site, click on "Resources." In Minnesota there are several listed.
Do I perform breath play? I do sessions involving mild forms of breath play. From my experience, I see that not only does a person enjoy being controlled by a simple lack of oxygen, but it is the fear factor that is sometimes the driving force for this type of play. I use plastic bags, where a person may feel quite claustrophobic and not have complete control over their breathing. Coupled with erotic teasing, this can be heaven, especially when you feel that your breath can be taken away at any moment...and it is to a certain degree.
Please feel free to call me, if you have any further questions I can answer AND keep me posted on your progress if you do decide to see a professional.
M Sharina
952-943-9789
In a message dated 12/1/2008 10:59:39 P.M. Central Standard Time, b@yahoo.com writes:
Ms Sharina Nicole,
JUst wanted to thank you again for your advice. I have been very good about this even though I think about it all the time and want to do it. I only did this once in the past 3 weeks. THis weekend I was at my dads and wanted to film the bagging one more time. I was able to do that and now hope I won't continue this anymore,but I did go a while without doing it thanks to your letter. If I had someone like you that I could see, I would wait for the sessions and it wouldn't be bad once in a while,but I don't have anyone.
Thanks again.
Slave Jay
slave jay,
I have come up with another alternative, as I have given this some thought. You may think it is silly, but then again, if you really feel that you may take breath play too far, you may want to go to a group called Alcoholics Anonymous. Breath play is like a drug and it can harm you. Seems to me based on this E-mail you sent to me a while ago, you may not want to play with someone else because you enjoy the edgier forms of breath play. In this case, you may want to adopt the principals of AA and go as far as getting yourself a sponsor in the program. I used to go to Al-anon, (similar program) and knew some people who were in the program for their addiction to work. Some of us have addictions and those addictions can cause our lives to become unmanageable. The 12 steps of the program work for many things, not just alcohol.
Take it into consideration. I know your wife would be pissed off and very sad and frustrated if she lost you. If you don't know where to turn, I have someone you can contact.
Think about it,
M Sharina
Hi Ms Sharina Nicole,
Do You do breath play via facesitting, hand over mouth, and/or foot smothering? Do You feel those are an acceptably safe way to do breath play?
Thanks
In a word, "yes". Those are reasonable forms of breath play that aren't going to stress the heart over time, because the goal isn't to suffocate, but to titillate!
Ahhhhh, foot smothering is one of my favorites, especially when I know it happens to be someone's FETISH! I love panty smothering and controlling what someone must smell. I might use my hand directly over the mouth, but my favorite way of controlling the breath is to use plastic wrap over the face. Of course I prefer them in bondage where their hands are pinned down in some way. With the simplest of premises, there are a few things at play here. One, is that I can take their breath away, anytime I like. Two, it demonstrates their vulnerability to me. Three, they can breathe, until I begin running my tongue over their mouth...My tongue runs from their mouth and swirls over the nose further pressing the plastic to the face. I do this while I am erotically teasing the exposed cock or pussy. There is no doubt who is in control here and inadvertently my captive becomes addicted to both sensations and the urgency to orgasm becomes the driving force.
At no time during this kind of play, do I cut off the oxygen completely, but there is an element of vulnerability and sometimes fear while being turned on at the same time that really works.
Sharina Nicole
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