December 2, 2002
Looks like today is the day My site turns over 200,000 visitors!As I view the counter, it is currently at 199,998. I wonder who will be the 200,000th visitor? My suspicion would be that it is someone who has enjoyed my site before and has come to revisit to get a little fix for the day...or possibly a novice surfer perusing for the first time wondering what My world is like.
In celebration of having you peek into My world...I would like to thank you for all the many wonderful times we have shared together. For the sessions that have been generated, that have not only been sessions for you to experience, but sessions through the course of time that have taught me new things. Through your fantasies and proclivities to BDSM I realize that anything is possible and begins with just one thought brought into action.
I also would like to thank those whom I may never see. Who view this web site through the eyes of wonder and who feel a kinship to the stories and thoughts I share. I get letters from many people from far away lands, and yet I see the similarities. On occasion I have even received a letter in German or French. Luckily, I have been able to ask Madame C to translate such letters...
Lastly, I would like to mention the gifts I have been so blessed to receive. These gifts have come to me in the form of a words of thanks as well as compliments to my style of BDSM. I have also received tokens of appreciation in the mail very much to my surprise, by those who know they will never be able to see me in person, but who would like to send something for my enjoyment. More things for me to treasure...
As I look to the future, I see another New Year approaching filled with many memories to be made. I am grateful for the people in my life who support me in my goals, dreams, and aspirations. I'm not in this alone...we're all in this together. For this, I thank you.
200,015 and counting.Welcome to My world!
M Sharina Nicole
December 1, 2002 When I was a little girl I asked my brother if he was happy to be a boy. He stopped for a minute and then said a matter of fact "Yes." At the same time I waited for the answer I was thinking that I should answer this question for myself, but my brother in his innocent and simple wisdom asked me the same question. "Are you?" "Mmmhmmmm...of course." In answering the question, I heard a small voice in the back of my mind respond, "Are you sure?" Well, for several weeks I pondered that question and I came to the realization that yes, I was happy as a girl, and wouldn't mind knowing what it would be like to have a real penis and maybe fuck girls sometimes.
I have always enjoyed feeling my femininity and Goddess like qualities. I have never envied being a man, although borrowing a real live penis would be a dream come true. I can have the next best thing and that would be my beautiful collection of strap on dildos. With the right one, I can emulate the feeling of erection and orgasm by allowing my bladder to be filled just enough to feel pressure and to insert a small vibrator into the base of some of the Vixen dildos that are made in this particular way. In addition, some of you are aware that I posses one that ejaculates and find it exciting to ejaculate or piss onto the face or body of my slave. But it is not the same as having a real penis. My one and only sadness is that I will NEVER, no matter how hard I try, be able to fully experience the intense pleasure of penetration. Feeling my cock inside a mouth or when the tip is pressing up against a woman's lubricated clit hood just before it enters her body. To know exactly that feeling of having my penis engulfed all the way around by a soft and warm body as it thrusts in and out climbing to a euphoric orgasm!
Which brings me to another thought. What is it like to answer the question, "Am I happy to be the sex I am," with a "no?" What then? Do we hide who we are only to share it with a confidant who can be trusted? Who can be trusted? When do we get to live our lives the way we feel most comfortable? What do we do when the risks outweigh the benefits? The loss of friends, family, jobs and careers? What would it be like to be free?
I am lucky to have some very courageous people in my life. Certainly the idea for some to come all the way out of the closet, may be too much. So we find ways to have it all. It amazes me that although we have made progress, there are just certain lifestyles that make people feel uncomfortable, or for that matter, judgmental. Further, it doesn't change who this person is inside, only their come from.
It has come to my attention that there are areas in the world where sexual reassignment clinics are performing up to 3 sex change operations a day. This information is amazing to me because this type of surgery isn't like having a face lift. It is changing the hormonal nature of who you are. The commitment is quite an undertaking with the prescriptions of hormones and psychological counseling that is most important to this process.
I remember when I was 21, I met a woman I knew was a transsexual. She was amazing because when I was with her, I could see the courage it took for her to live her life and move forward in dignity and respect. She liked to be with me <so I found out from someone who explained it to me> because I exemplified femininity. She was learning how to be a female from being with me. Her name was Vanessa. She was tall, slender, sweet and brunette and at the time in her late 20's. She tried to kill herself as a male several times because she was so unhappy. She actually confided that she felt like a woman trapped inside the body of a man. Her journey from male to female probably didn't differ from many other stories from those in the same position, but nonetheless, there she was with me in the front seat of her Limousine on our way to Las Vegas to have a little fun and I felt honored to be with her. We held hands as she confided her story to me. I can remember looking at her and studying her face wondering how much pain she had been in to have come this far and survived...She still had a long way to go, but she was making progress from day to day and from experience to experience. Little did I know that my life would be touched so many times in my life by these wonderful people, male, female...changed or not.
I notice slight differences from cross dressers, to transvestites, to transgendered, only in the varying degree of how this lifestyle is incorporated into each individual life. What remains the same to me is how important being the opposite gender than the one you came in with from birth is to each person. That dressing up and being male or female is as important as the air that keeps us alive, even if it is for a brief time. In fact there are many cross dressers who feel the need to purge this out of their system because they don't fit into society and the life style is not accepted. All the clothing, make up, lingerie, breasts, wigs and shoes are thrown into a bag and driven to the nearest dumpsite and purged. What ends up happening for most is that little by little the need overcomes them and the dressing up begins again. The itch has to be scratched! Along with this secret lies torment, guilt and shame. So what happens when the compulsion to dress overtakes us?
Something takes over during the process of transformation. Transformation to me, is a wonderful process. I watch as I create not only a whole new look, but an entirely different sex. Over the years I have enjoyed performing my own sexual reassignments and have marveled not only at the result, but who this person becomes. I have seen this transformation occur in people I have known slightly to very well. If you live here in the Twin Cities, you may be familiar with the magazine Lavender. This is a gay, lesbian, bi, and transgendered friendly magazine and deals with many issues including a wonderful column on leather life written by a man named Steve Lenius. On the cover just a short time ago there were several pictures of a male to female. When I first met her, she was not always dressing up as a woman. For her, this was something that became more prevalent later on in her life. Now, she is living her life happily as a woman. Another miraculous gem in my life is transforming from female to male. I marvel at the courage and commitment he has to live his dreams. It had been a while since I had seen him and I knew he was taking hormones. As he opened his mouth to speak, I heard a deepness in his voice I had never heard before. His voice had changed...I look at him totally different now. One of the side effects from taking testosterone is an increased sexual drive. Whenever I see him, I just want to put my bottom up to his cock...his energy is INTOXICATING! Hormones are wonderful drugs. Did you know that when a woman is ovulating a man will gravitate to her? I suppose it is like mating rituals in the wild kingdom...Then there is Eva the slut. She is a pain slut and well, a slut. I remember when I first saw my little Eva. I was the first dominatrix she had ever seen professionally. She didn't know how to dress and as a matter of fact she had no clothing of her own. Now she has silicone breasts, lingerie, wigs, the highest of heels that only a slut would wear...and make-up! The first time I saw her, I spent a little extra time with her. Whenever I transform someone, I take a good look as the process unfolds and I then give them a name. It was then, that Eva the slut was born.
And then there is my friend Ms Patris. As you know, she is my TV friend, and I have been fortunate to have a very special friendship with her. I support her in who she wants to be no matter what, and I love her dearly. I always see her "Patris" side even when she is in her male business attire...It comes with a giggle or a roll of the eyes or maybe a little hand gesture, but I see it always and feel it is always present. I know that there are people in her life who may never know her as Patris, but I do...Patris has undergone quite a transformation. I tease her now about how almost everything she wore was see through and exaggerated. Long blonde curly hair, long nails, 7 inch platform heels, thick eyelashes, big breasts with hard plastic nipples...It wasn't the fact that her dressing in see through clothes was unacceptable to me at all, it was when she would choose to wear these clothes I found troubling. You see, as a female myself, there is a certain decorum or acceptance of certain types of clothing that when worn makes it appropriate. I would never wear my risqué domme clothing where it was inappropriate like to a Farmers Market, or to the beach...or even in broad daylight. What I wanted her to understand was that if she wanted people to take her more serious, she would need to dress more conservative. So she saved the brilliant wardrobe for more appropriate times, like in the evening and at certain events. From her, I learned that the need to be accepted and loved is enormous. I feel the apparent reason for dressing in a manner that may seem inappropriate is that in order to feel like a woman, some male to females feel the need to exaggerate feminine qualities in order to feel their femininity. Patris still wears big hair, but is unbelievably beautiful, stylish and glamorous! Sure, she saves the false eyelashes for evening wear, but I must admit, since dressing like a glamorous trans for Halloween, (and Ms Patris taught me everything I needed to know) I have been turned on to the joy of dramatic make-up and thick false eyelashes! Wait until you see the pictures...see through dress and all. I loved it!
In a nutshell, I simply love and adore these people. I have been blessed to take a peak into their lives. What is it like to not feel right in one's own skin? Some of us were just lucky to be born the sex we are happy with and for others it has been a challenge. Acceptance and gratitude are always the key. We accept ourselves for who we are and others will too. And if they don't, that's okay too because we are the light that shines the way and sets the example for unconditional love. It runs both ways...
So be glamorous and love yourself and then of course you will be able to spread the love!
November 14, 2002
Back from LA with a few little goodies in my bag, a couple of fond memories and a case of vertigo...There is nothing quite like the idea of putting a single tail in my tightly clenched little hand while I close one eye and listen to the whirl of the cracker against the bottom of My Ms Eva! The vertigo actually started coming on while I was about to begin a session with my favorite pain slut Eva! <I always feel compelled to put an exclamation after her name because if you met her, you would most certainly know why> I get this strange affliction every now and then and I must say, it is the most insidious of afflictions...It makes my head twirl about. See? I still have a touch left as I find it miserable to stay on track. It's like vertigo ADD...Okay, back to LA.
What did we do the minute we picked out our car and found the freeway to West Hollywood? We went shopping of course! Ms Patris and I went back to our hotel where she wanted to freshen up. Well, actually, she wanted to throw herself into a fresh pair of panties, some make-up and a wig. I looked at her puzzled..."But honey, the stores all close at 8 and it is 6:47 right now!" She knew I was right...we needed a shopping fix! We looked at each other and blazed a trail to the car and sped away to Hollywood Boulevard! What we found when we got to Hollywood Blvd. was this huge carnival! It was set up right in the middle of the street. I suppose Halloween is really REALLY BIG in this town! Guess what? The stores were open till 9 and 10! Yippeeee! After buying a couple of things, we went to our favorite Thai Restaurant. It is called The Palms. It is located on Hollywood Blvd. and every evening you can see Elvis! Elvis is Thai here at The Palms, but if you close your eyes, you can just swear that Elvis is in the room...no kidding. This place is famous for their Thai Elvis, not to mention their food is supreme. Nothing in the world like authentic Thai food. Ms Patris knows her Thai food. She spent some time in Thailand and will be going for a visit very soon.
We decided to go out that evening...of course, what else are two fabulous sistahs going to do? We hit the road for The Queen Mary. This place is a seasoned bar with a tranny flare. Where else would I take my tranny sistah? The bar was quiet and not many people there, but not only was it Karaoke night in the front bar, but there is this wonderfully warm and quiet place in the back. The bartendress Goddess is this very bright, bubbly and sweet woman. her name is Laurie. She remembered us from the last time we came to LA. Of course who could forget the sistahs? We do make an entrance and when we leave, they never forget us. I think it's our style...the glamour, the PIZZAZZ! (The insane laughter...)
The back bar was pretty quiet so I took some dollars over to the brightly lit Juke Box off the dance floor. I'm not sure if it was the Absolute Citron that made the moment so sweet, but while standing in front of the music box, I sorted through all of the tunes. One's I picked? Well, you know how I adore all kinds of music...
Thursday we shopped the streets of Hollywood Blvd., Santa Monica Blvd. and Melrose...by the time we hit The Palms, we were in an endorphin zone equivalent to jumping off a cliff. We made it back to the hotel where we briefly sorted through all of our things and then I decided it was time to take a hot bath. Ms Patris napped and when I came out of the bath, it was her turn. Dressing was time consuming as we artistically applied the first layer of spackle...As you may know, for Halloween I decided that since I love transvestites so much, I wanted to be one! My wig and my dress belonged to Ms Patris and I wore them proudly. It took much more time to apply the make-up, as being a tranny takes mucho transformation time. By the time we left our hotel room it was 12:30 AM! Thank goodness the bars in LA don't close until 2 AM. In LA, it is one of the biggest events. People start crowding the streets and getting around in cars is a real task! There are literally hundreds of thousands of people everywhere! It's scary! Given our lack of attention to the time...we decided to go back to The Queen Mary. This time it was packed with all sorts of people and our lovely Ms Laurie was there bartending. This woman ROCKS! She is always smiling and lively and serves up a fabulous cocktail. <pssssst! I think she was trying to get the trannies drunk!> By the adornment of our fabulous outfits, we seemed to meet all sorts of nice people. Some of them we had pictures taken with. The evening was almost over when my eyes gazed over my right shoulder and I see this woman in a maid's outfit standing at the top of these stairs. Just like Norma Desmond she slides down with one arm out leading the way and headed right towards me. I smiled, and she walked over and we struck up a conversation. Sandy was with her man Bill <and doctor, I mean a maid needs her doctor!> We found out that we shared the scene together and they invited us out to a private BDSM club called Lair de Sade. Isn't it great that people in the scene are attracted to one another? We must emit some sort of sexuality and charisma! I must say that we couldn't pass up a play time and not only is it a wonderful place to scene, but the people there were all equally as wonderful. I had a nice time driving Ms Patris to tears while her mascara ran a little crazy down her face. I had brought with me some basic equipment, but Bill was kind enough to lend me his entire toy bag. These people were so nice! There were scenes going on here and there. What was nice was that it wasn't too crowded and the play spaces were generously proportioned. The lighting in the one big room made the room warm and inviting. The kitchen had some munchies and the refrigerator was filled with soda and water. This club is private, but if you would like further information you may go to their web site at www.LairdeSade.com. I would thoroughly recommend Lair de Sade as it was the most delightful experience. If we had not had to pack and take flight the next day, we would have been there until the wee hours of the morning.
Ahhhh, nothing like a good session with the promise of Jack and The Box monster tacos for desert. By the time we reached our hotel and chiseled off the make-up...slipped into our jammies and slid between the covers...we were in dreamland yet again.
One evening we were searching for a place to go and have some fun and we passed this one bar that had two signs out in front that read: BOY. Well, I was thinking it must have been some live band that was playing there so we decided to give it a try since we had already been to the Queen Mary a couple of times and we tried another place that was like going into someone's Goth living room with a bar...we perused and then split! So we find this rock star parking space and decide that the Universe wanted us to go here where the signs read BOY. What we didn't know, was that the Universe wanted us to go somewhere we wouldn't get into any trouble! I paid the 14 dollars for both me and the tranny to get in and started to walk over to the bar. As I get through the doorway I see a HUGE room filled with....you guessed it, BOYS! Very young, virginal <no bristley hairs here> soft boys...some with their shirts taken off and others just swankin' around in their skivvies. I notice that I am alone in all this. I am at the bar taking in the view and I'm wondering where the hell my transvestite girlfriend is. Well, several minutes later she strolls up to the bar and casually says, "Sorry hun, they saw me and said I was too good to pass up for a photo or two..." Goodness me, could it be the tranny is popular in these BOYS clubs hmmmmm? Fine honey, order me a drink. So she did and I was most doubtful at getting a good Cosmo here at this place where all the people were in there early twenties. I mean, how much bartending experience could one glean at 21? Actually, I asked the bartendress with pretty brown eyes and her midriff showing, would she not put so much cranberry in it and did she have cointreau. She says yes, I cross my fingers and off she goes to shake and pour. It was one of the best Cosmopolitans I have EVER had! Finally, someone who knows how to follow directions and service with a smile. It ran across my mind that she would make a wonderful little slave girl, but then I would need to find other things for her to do besides making Cosmos, or I would need that 12 step program on the other side of Alanon...
Well, the whole evening was just what we needed. We decided to peruse the strip and see what sort of trouble we could get into. But all we came across was a car full of lovelies I blew kisses at. I took a picture of them and as the flash went off the look of surprise was priceless! They were sweet. Love yah, but the tranny and the domme have to go, Byyyyyeeeeee!
When we got back to the hotel, we both had to pee, VERY badly. It was either going to get ugly or I could come up with a plan so it would be win/win. So Patris asks sweetly...hon? Would you like to go first. No, that's okay hon we can both go at the same time. So while Ms Patris sat on the toilet taking her piss, I <heels and all> stepped up on the sides of the tub and pretended a slave was underneath me waiting and showered the tub with a warm stream of pee. It hit the porcelain with such force it splashed out the sides. I mean not having a slave to dribble on caused quite a hard stream and pounded the porcelain with such force! I loved it. Sometimes I hardly know what to do without my slave beneath me to be my twahlet!
We made it back home if not safe surely not sane. We loved out trip to LA and came back with many fun things to enjoy. We will be baaaaaaack! There will be pictures forthcoming...so look for them soon! Nice memories!
Kisses to all my new friends in LA...
October 30, 2002
I am off on a little vacation with my dear friend Ms Patris. With any luck, the pictures that we will be taking will be posted shortly upon my return...We plan to use this time to shop, dine and cavort! Of course it will be Halloween and parties galore soooo, Mistress Sharina will be dressed to the nines and tens! Who will I be? Can you guess? I will give you a hint. My hair is red and will be piled as high as hair can be. My dress will be a see through pink with ruffles and a long slit up the back...with the highest of heels. My eyelashes will be long and black and my gloves will be up to my shoulders. Ms Patris will be going as her lovely and beautiful self with maybe just a little more of an edge. She has taught me everything I know to dress like a party girl transvestite! (Victor Victoria? A woman pretending to be a man, pretending to be a woman...)
Last week Master Paul and I did a photo shoot with a new slave. The picture content was yummy but the camera was showing some satellite type stars all over the place. I will be posting some of those as soon as we can sort through them.
I have quite a bit to do when I get back. I plan on posting the pictures <finally!> from the last Foot Fetish Olympics. I know you will just love them! Brings back fond memories for me as well as slave mike. A nice story has been written by my slave and will be posted as well.
In addition, I will be receiving two pairs of heels from my trampling slave. One is a pair of bright red pumps and will have the heels replaced with BZ heels. The other pair is a naked pair of sandals where the heels were replaced with something called "shredders." I can't wait to try them out! So another little photo shoot in the works to look forward to.
Well, I guess I'm off! Wish me luck in finding some wonderful items to bring back...and a safe trip wouldn't hurt either. In the meantime have a safe, memorable and <you do some cavorting too...!> colorful Halloween.
October 29, 2002
When I speak with someone it is always on my mind to engage in conversation for the purpose of connecting. I want to find out as much about what sort of experience in D/s play someone has had as well as what type of a session they are looking to experience. On occasion, there is a communication gap. Sometimes this is in direct relation to the different languages we speak...well not me, I speak English and sometimes, not very well. I make up words...
The first time I spoke with moses such a communication gap was experienced. Due in part to my speaking only one language. I asked moses, what sort of experience he had and what type of session he was looking to experience. "Anything you want ma'am." No, I would like to know what things you would like to experience...I want to know if marks are okay, if I use the single tail on you, to what depth have you experienced this, if at all? Flogging, spanking, sounds, what? So many questions moses seemed unwilling to answer. Now that I look back on this dialog, it was his way of reverently giving himself over to a me, a new Mistress, in order to have an experience. After all, I read bodies very well, and carry an innate sense of intuition, being in the moment and trusting the process is where more of the juice lies.
It was quite sometime before moses was able to schedule a session with me and there were a lot of complications. But as luck would have it...moses was to be my slave if only for a short while.
moses is a very dark complexioned man. I've never played with such black skin before...It was amazing. Almost too difficult to see in the dimly lit room of the dungeon. Quite beautiful and mesmerizing. After warming his body up for some time I decided it was time to use the single tail. This was something he had mentioned to me in his area of experience and seemed like something he might like. I turned on a light behind me as to get a good view of his backside. Tall, slender and gracefully formed, moses offered his body to me. As the tails licked closer to his body I noticed that there was hardly any evidence of my paddle or my floggers having struck his body at all from before. As the single tail whip hit his bottom, there was a flash of white that appeared! That was a nice surprise, a mark. I salivated and my heart felt warm. Another and then yet another, and as each time my single tail hit his body, he yelled, "Thank You Ma'am!" It was the way he said it that made me smile so wide...It was as if it was the very last thing he wanted me to do to him, but reveled in it just the same because he was giving me his body as an offering. The way he said it also lead me to believe that in saying "Thank You Ma'am!" it took some of the pain away...
I have only experienced reverence from someone one other time than this, and he wasn't a slave at all, but a severe masochist. That particular scene has defined who I am as a dominatrix as well as a Mistress. I'll tell you about that story a little later...But to continue...moses had that quality of reverence to me. I was quite taken by surprise by it. Our session had ended and moses was very quiet. Although he appeared in deep thought and reflection, I wondered if he enjoyed our scene so I asked him. moses replied, "Yes, ma'am," his accent was so thick it sounded as if he was saying, "Yez Mum." I requested that he send me an e-mail about his experience and he said that he would as soon as he could.
Later on that evening I received a voice mail message from moses telling me that he got home safely and that he wanted to thank me for everything. he also said that he would e-mail me as promised and repeat to me the deep regard he has for me as well as pass on the great debt that he felt he owed to me.
It is amazing to me what occurs during some sessions. Something magical...or possibly a void that was filled. I am always honored to be such a part of this spiritual dialog we are capable of having...together.
There are times when I never know who will show up at the door. It is utterly impossible to tell what a person looks like until I open the door. Speaking with someone over the phone is entirely different from who they really are when you put it all together with a face and such. No matter what, I can always tell if I will like someone even before I have seen them in person.
Such as with my new slave david. Bright, intelligent, joyful and all smiles. As I started my session with him, I stood back and marveled at how so many times I often play with a person's spirit and that the body just happens to be there manifesting itself to me in one particular form or another. I equate it to plugging into someone. One can be rather large or quite slender, may be very tall, or somewhat small. These things have no bearing on who they really are deep down inside.
One of the things I love is seeing the differences in powerlessness that occurs while this body, no matter what it's shape is vulnerable and pleading. I see it struggle...resist, become overwhelmed and then with a possible release of sexual energy...come right out of their body.
slave david is one such spirit. he reminds me of a butterfly. Transformation occurs while the body is rendered helpless while being tortured and erotically teased. Quite a wonderful dichotomy so much so that slave david was compelled to express it in poetry. Quite eloquent in his writing to me, I was quite touched and awe struck in his expression.
This is what he wrote:
Reflections Upon Being Deflowered By Mistress Sharina Nicole
Long after the ache of the nipple clamps has subsided
Long after the redness from Her flogging has faded
Long after your smothered breath has been restored
And long after the glorious tingling of your release has ebbed
One thing will remain etched in your conscious
Deep, dark pools that suggest so many things:
As She mummifies your face in Her transparent wrap
You can't help but sense those eyes piercing your very soul
Watching your mounting fear and labored anticipation
The collar around your neck a reminder that you have given yourself to Her
And that Her control is bringing focus to your empty life.
On that note, I would like to say that amazing things do happen, because you are open to the experience...I am open to every new experience that presents itself to me when I am ready and it is ripe and waiting. And for this...I LOVE!
October 10, 2002
As a Mistress, I have the most wonderful time watching people bloom like flowers...The mere idea that I have a virgin to S/M right in the palm of my hand is quite special. I think of all the Mistresses who may have offered this introduction into the scene, and how although there are a lot of Mistresses out there who are true to the lifestyle and the craft of domination, there are also those who are in reverence only to the financial exchange that being a Mistress lends.
If I session with a person who has had a previous bad experience, I still refer to them as virgins because they were not properly introduced to the juice of the experience. I don't take a session lightly. I understand that the possibility of saving the tribute out of the wife's grocery money, or taking it out of savings for that rainy day really means something. I mean, you sometimes scrape together what little you have for an experience you hope will be at the very least, something to remember for the rest of your life, and you meet a Mistress who is cavalier...unskilled, doesn't set the scene, one who is careless and possibly dangerous. And heaven knows you try to search for the right Mistress. Someone who will spend the time to understand you and listen to the type of session you are in hopes of experiencing. And if you don't know what you are looking for, you pray that she understands what it is you so desperately need.
Playing with virgins and novices to BDSM is something I enjoy. I am mused by the nervousness of a new client who wonders what he is doing here with me in the first place. Several times over the last few weeks I have heard someone say, "I waited 10 years to do this..." or "I just wanted to experience this before I die." The latter is what slave frank said to me June 3rd when I first spoke to him over the phone. I scheduled Frank for Friday, June 7 and he has been seeing me once a week since then.
When I first met Frank, he was a novice, except for the PES electrical unit he had been playing with by himself. From the moment I touched him, I could see that he was open to experience. Not only was he open and responsive, but this was something he needed. Little by little Frank became slave frank and now wears one of My collars. slave frank has been seeing me every week since his first session and I would definitely call him a seasoned player as I have been able to work his body in the most sadistic yet erotic ways possible. I have severely flogged and spanked him as well as using this wonderful leather strap I adore. he has suffered My single tail whip, and his nipples have been temporarily pierced. I have hung the heaviest weights on his ball sack as well as his nipples and put him in full mummification wrap while tormenting and erotically teasing his cock. slave frank is not so much a submissive, but a slave to My sadistic sides. he will take whatever I am in the mood for because he knows that in the end he is powerless to Me anyway...
It's like this...The room is cast with a warm hue of blue. So blue you're not sure if the color is black...or dark blue. Haunting, but you feel safe. Every step you take you realize your power is being stripped away. Your identity is lost as your Mistress explains what the collar represents...ownership and obedience. The collar is placed around your neck and securely locked. Who you were before is completely lost and you are in the hands of your Mistress. A blindfold is placed securely around your eyes while all distractions disappear.
I see this body in My collar, naked, vulnerable and trusting. I ask My new slave to be present 100 percent and to leave problems outside the door as they can be picked up on the way out. I slowly start to play with this body. I want to wake it up. Everything I do is an introduction to something bigger and more intense. I work with the body watching for breathing patterns and gritting of teeth...or possible drooling. I touch the genitals at such a point of surprise I have been told it feels like two people were in the room. The elements I work with are ones of eroticism and pain. When the body experiences both, the brain is in a quandary and tries to pick one. Usually, the most erotically stimulating is where the mind chooses to go. But because endorphins are released into the body...the mind sometimes chooses to allow the pain. In between both worlds lies BLISS. If one allows the body to be stimulated painfully...bliss occurs. Why? Because the body while becoming warm feels drugged. Simple and sweet.
I remember my very first flogging. I was at a convention called Living in Leather that was being held in Dallas, Texas. I met a slender English man. He was dressed in full latex pants and shirt. We chatted and he asked if sometime I would like to play. One evening I got such the opportunity. I was meandering around and we were watching some of the scenes that were going on in the open dungeon and I was able to watch him very skillfully flog this woman. Later on he asked if I would enjoy a flogging...I said, "Yes, of course!" I stood up against one of the crosses with my back exposed beautifully to him. From this experience was where I learned how to lovingly flog a person and take them to heights they have never known. He was able to warm me up quite nicely and I remember thinking..."Okay, you can go harder...I'm waiting...pleeeeaaaasssse!" Little by little the flogging became more and more intense. I started feeling a warmth on my bottom and backside and my body started to feel like it was floating. I remember my bottom started dancing back and forth. He took a wide, silk scarf and would brush it up against my back lightly. The scarf was soft and cool. His fingers would gently stroke both sides of my ears. At that point I was probably drooling. I loved the feel of his fingers feeling my warm flesh as it was beginning to respond nicely. He asked how I was doing and I remember saying, "Great." I don't think I could have put more than 2 words together in a sentence...I was in a zone. He asked me to tell him on a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being most intense, how I was feeling. I gave him a 5. "Would you like me to step it up a bit?" "Yes," I replied. He explained that he was going to flog me a little more and then he was going to give me 10 very hard strokes of the flogger. He explained he would stop anytime I wanted, and would I agree to that. "Yes," I replied. He flogged me for several minutes warming me up even more and then calmly asked, "Ready?" "Yes," I replied. "Here we go..." He proceeded to flog me very hard. So hard in fact, I thought I wouldn't be able to take all of it. But I realized that in order to keep the sensation I had and to have it even more, I was going to need to deal with this sort of pain no matter what. Besides, I trusted him. I also knew that there were a certain number of whacks I was to take and although I could have stopped him at any time, I didn't. I knew that every time I was whacked, that was one less whack I was going to get. When he was finished he walked over to me and stroked my ears all the way to my back. The feeling was glorious! My back was so sensitive it made me tingle everywhere. We were soon finished and he brought me down easy and into a nice space. It was almost time for the dungeon to close as it was about 3 AM. We boarded the bus that took us back to our hotels where we were staying. I felt like I was in la la land...No, I was in la la land! He made sure I got in safely and then we said good-bye. We have lost touch, but had remained friends. He had come to visit me here in Minnesota from Dallas where he lived. I did spy him in a fetish magazine with what looked like a lovely lady and companion...it was nice to see him smile so big!
I will never forget my introduction into that wonderful zone we call sub space. I know in my heart that it was memorable because of the way in which I was introduced. I knew then that I loved it. I have my English friend to thank for that.
Since that time I have had many experiences. What I remember most is the feeling behind each experience. Sometimes when I look down on my restrained or mummified slave, sub or bottom, I think...."Look, this is a human being in my hands..." I see the rare quality of vulnerability in its most raw form. I can take a body wherever it allows me to take it. The most important thing is that you trust yourself and you are open to the possibility of experience.
October 6, 2002
Hello My darlings...Miss Me? I felt it appropriate to leave September 11 as my only diary writing for the month of September. I look at things with clarity in the hopes that closure can take place, but I see it is an ongoing occurrence. I have to stop, because these events that happen, brings to light that people and things come and go, and some things are meant to stay...if not forever in our mind and spirit, but here with us always until we die.
Stay with me through these things...I have some wonderful reflections and stories to tell about some sessions I have experienced over the course of the last several weeks. But this is where my heart lies...in the reflective and philosophical zone. As a matter of fact, at one time I did do some hospice care and it was an amazing learning process not to mention profound. I am still doing research on the subject as I find death and dying to be fascinating.
I have a Labrador Retriever. She is a beautiful dog and tomorrow I will need to put her to sleep. She is 12 years old and blond with a myriad of health problems. She has been living with my dear friend Master Paul for over a year now, and up until last week she has been doing pretty good. She is like the "older sistah" to his brood of dogs. He has two. A pure bred boxer and a German Shepard/Rottweiler mix. Paul and I can see that before she gets to feeling too bad and while she is happy, it is time to let her go. Lexi lives for TREATS! So today when I see her, I have cooked her some beef ribs with lots of garlic and Worcestershire. She will have a cupcake for desert. A few days ago I let her sip on some champagne that my foot slave mike brought for me. I want her last days to be filled with what she loves. TREATS! I know she will not be in anymore discomfort and for that I am grateful. I am also grateful for the support of some wonderful friends who can honestly give me the words and the comfort that gives me clarity to see that this is the best thing, and it is the right time...So say a little prayer for my Lexi sweetie, and for me too.
Lady Diamond Alexi of Hoodie
6~12~1990 - 10~7~2002
September 11, 2002
I was driving home this evening feeling rather happy...mostly to be alive. The song on the radio in my car was playing the tune Crystal Blue Persuasion by Tommy James. Have you ever heard a song that just brings you back to a feeling or a time in your life that because of that moment in listening to the song, you can actually taste and breathe being there? Crystal Blue Persuasion not only brought me back to a time in my life, but as I listened to the lyrics, it brought me into a peaceful place to the here and now. I look back on last year's September 11 and how that day changed all of our lives forever.
I'm not entirely sure what Tommy's Crystal Blue Persuasion is exactly...only that in the moment I heard it my thoughts reflected back not only to my past life, but this last year and how remarkable the nation has become in moving forward. Love is always the answer...and the possibilities are endless. Tommy says, "Love, love is the answer...So don't you give up now, so easy to find. Just look at your soul, open your mind." That pretty much says it all in my book.
Today, September 11, where strength and endurance are the hallmarks we cling to, remember lest we forget a time we thought we couldn't feel any more pain and survive, and yet here we are. Be resolute in the conviction that living in integrity does not tolerate mediocrity.
Light a candle, perform a random act of kindness...whatever we do, will create the context of the life we say we want. The time is NOW.
CRYSTAL BLUE PERSUASION
I look over yonder, what do I see?
The sun is risin', most definitely.
A new day's comin', people are changin',
Ain't it beautiful?
Crystal Blue Persuasion
Better get ready, gonna see the light,
Love, love is the answer, that's all right.
So don't you give up now, so easy to find.
Just look at your soul, open your mind.
Crystal Blue Persuasion
Crystal Blue Persuasion, uh huh, it's a new vibration
Crystal Blue Persuasion, Crystal Blue Persuasion
Maybe tomorrow, when he looks down,
On every green field and every town,
All of his children of every nation
There'll be peace and good, brotherhood,
Crystal Blue Persuasion, yeah!
Crystal Blue Persuasion, uh huh.
August 22, 2002
Web Kitty is off to New York to see the Dixie Chicks for two weeks! In the meantime Mistress Sharina will be using her vacation time to rest, relax and create...What will I be creating? Well, my dream is to revamp my web site and have it be a place for delightful creations for true fetishists, novices, and voyeurs. It will be like resting your head on a red satin pillow, closing your eyes and dreaming. Your dreams will be the dreams that stream through my mind and will spring to life in black and white and color. My intention is to establish a relationship as a Mistress with those of you I may never hear from, or for that matter ever see...or torture.
I have a lot of work to do, so bear with me...good things come to those who wait. Besides, excellence is my destination. Which brings to mind the word transformation. In order for transformation to occur, clarity must be present. Clarity is the key that will open the door when the time is right.
What do I think of when my head hits the pillow at night and the room is dark and quiet? Well, I think of shiny spiked needle heels and what damage I can do when I step down and crush what's beneath them. I think of a pretty little catholic school girl over my lap while the palm of my hand feels the heat from what it is hitting. I revel in knowing the powerlessness of a mummified body while it is strapped down like a helpless laboratory animal while I cut out the pieces I wish to play with...I think of eating a human platter decorated with flowers and a feast of edibles. A human sacrifice strapped to a cross... I dream of a black wormy body of latex in a warm bathtub filled with water while my latex booted foot rests squarely on my worm's head. So many things I dream and certainly too many to mention. But all my thoughts are locked away for now...in my head and waiting to come out.
Until then, dream...
August 19, 2002
He was tall and slender with a gentle presence...a charmingly handsome man with the deepest voice. Cle' was a leather daddy and his life touched my life for a brief moment in time. I was introduced to him through Jake who is a friend of mine. When I met Cle' I was struck immediately with his presence. What was so remarkable to me was his vibration. Calm, gentle, kind and graceful. He died recently after a long illness . It was something that was unexpectedly expected. I think deep down inside he knew that his time here was limited, even though he fought the prospects hard and long. But he had a burning desire to see the world and have as many experiences as he could manage during the time he had left. He risked and lost a lot, for the importance it held while his life slowly slipped away.
In his passing, Cle' left a legacy. He will be remembered by who he was being in this lifetime. What he leaves is his essence and love. Which leaves me with several thought provoking questions. Who are we being at any given moment, that either invites others into our world or pushes them away? Are we accountable for what we create? What legacy will we leave and how will others remember us? Is what we are made of destructive, or life affirming? Do we build, or do we secretly tear down?
What was remarkable to me about Cle' was that he was always an invitation...people loved him and wanted to be in his space. We stood in a large circle of 34 people August 18 and lit candles in celebration of Cle's life. This was one of several ceremonies that were held in his honor since his passing. The pictures that were displayed on a table in the middle with ivy and flowers represented who he was in every part of his life...leather included. Which brings another question to mind. What part of life do we hide because society does not accept or approve, or is in judgment for what is portrayed? I know there are situations where we need to protect ourselves and our life styles for what we have at stake. What I am referring to is more like this: Who do we let in? Who do we trust?
Cheers to the remarkable ability of those of us who can open the door to bringing more light into the world by who we are and who we are being. We cross paths with so many people...some live their lives authentically while others are just facades of little human beings who represent what a human being should be but isn't. They play life small. The thing is...these people think they have the ability to fool. They don't. They sit and wonder why they attract broken down relationships, and those who lack the desire to spend any real time with them. It's because of who they are being. <look, your slips showing!...you're dragging strands of toilet paper behind you!...you get the picture, right?> They are transparent and they don't even know it.
How we live our lives AUTHENTICALLY is how we will find the true legacy of what we will be leaving behind when we pass. I believe Cle' lived his life to the best of his ability authentically, and in the end he will leave the legacy of his spirit.
Thank you for your inspiration and who you were in this life time. Cle' you were loved...and you will be truly missed.
Dedicated in loving memory to Cle'
Born May 13, 1963.
Forever with love...and leather.
August 17, 2002
My web kitty is back from a jaunt to New York and ready to post another diary page!
Many things have been streaming through my mind lately and I see a common theme in my thoughts based on observations and experience. Addiction. I know that the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says that the addiction to alcohol is cunning, baffling and powerful...From my experience, you can suffer an addiction, but the difference between having an addiction and needing to get a grip on your life is the unmanageability it presents when our lives become unmanageable because of it. Addiction can be strong and can run us everyday where we are engulfed by thoughts constantly. Something must be done to satisfy our addiction! This presents itself to the possibility of the unmanageability part of addiction.
As a dominatrix, what I see is many variations of addiction. I see the client who needs to get his S/M itch scratched at least once a year. Then there is my rubber kitty who would like to be in latex bondage 24/7...or the family man who travels on business all over the country seeing a dominatrix in every city, state and country code he can. For one...once a week...for another twice a month. Addiction can be strong, but it inadvertently makes the world more juicy because once you anticipate it, and then wait until you have it...there's nothing in the world like getting what you want when you want it and need it so bad!
My latex pet can spend several hours in the bag wondering when I will come close enough to touch his latex clad body. <I hear her heels, but why is the sound becoming so faint?> Sometimes my foot slave lays on the floor while I rest my feet on his face. The look of shear joy is painted all over it when I move them around to see if he is still breathing. Addiction. Cunning, baffling, powerful!
Let me share a letter with you from my dedicated foot slave mike. This is an example of desperation and addiction...I will preface it by saying that my slave stopped drinking coffee for about a week or less. He was so proud of himself! You know, that he didn't have another addiction to control. That was until I mentioned to him that I had an old pair of shoes I was going to throw away...well, he was a mess. Needless to say, he is back to drinking the Java in the morning and anticipating the next glorious time my feet are over his face....<sigh> he is hopeless. Truly hopeless. <shhhh, that's my favorite part of his addiction.>
Excerpt from Mistress Sharina's letter:
Yes...I notice a little bit more snap crackle in your tone, my caffeine addicted little foot slave. Like that Java....I say have at it, but you really should consider getting rid of that other addiction you have to FEET!
Response from slave mike:
Mistress, Your message implies that i am addicted to feet in general. That simply is not the case. No, it's not just any old feet that i am addicted to. The only feet i am addicted to are YOURS. And surely You must know by now that this is an addiction that i have absolutely no chance of overcoming. It is true...it is a hopeless situation. i am destined to be powerless to this addiction, with no hope of recovery. i am not a quitter, but in this case, i surrender.
With coffee, i have a cup or two, first thing in the morning and i'm fine. There is no craving beyond that. It's more a habit than anything. i don't dream about coffee. i don't sleep with my coffee mug or a bag of coffee beans. Your feet are another matter entirely. The more i get, the more i need. And yes, i do NEED Your feet. i cannot live without them. The withdrawals i get when i haven't worshipped them in some time is beyond description. i think about Your feet all the time. i think about how soft they are...i think about Your pretty little red toes...i think about being smothered beneath them. <my goodness, i'm getting an erection right now just thinking about them!> On the occasions that i do manage to fall asleep, i am sure to dream about them. Mostly they are good dreams, but occasionally i will have nightmares...such as the ones i had the other night, when i dreamt that You were throwing away Your old shoes!! And i have no chance of getting sleep without cuddling with Your sneakers and socks.
Mistress...i am deeply, madly, passionately, unconditionally and hopelessly IN LOVE WITH YOUR FEET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now...If anyone has any questions regarding addiction, I suggest you address them in care of Mistress Sharina directly to slave mike. There will be a 12 step recovery program and slave mike will be leading the group on how to manage your own personal addiction, beginning with step number one. I am powerless over...
PS This writing is in no way meant to demean or disparage the concepts of the programs that were created by Bill W. It has allowed many people to live life sanely...including me.
July 26, 2002
I had the most enjoyable session the other day with another Mistress in her dungeon. Her client was to be humiliated, made to grovel, lick clean our dirty feet and have his genitals trampled and his balls crushed with my heels. Well, as luck may have it, <as usual, a slave gives his Mistress something to be punished for, and as I have always said, "The training NEVER ends..."> the slave accidentally orgasmed 20 minutes into our session! I mean who could help it with two devastatingly beautiful Mistresses with an insatiable appetite for torturing like two cats on a mouse. The slave's genitals were in such a position where stimulation was easy from between the legs. The knees were up and the slave's genitals poked through to the back where I sat in a chair lounging and using his balls as my heel rest. The slave's face grimaced. "What's the matter slave?" "I'm going to come Mistress, please, no more!" I immediately took my heels off of his ball sac and penis and put them on the floor to give him a rest. A few short minutes later, I placed my heels directly on the back of his thighs...he immediately started struggling and moving and orgasming all over the place! It was truly an amazing sight! Both of us just watched him in amazement. Well, needless to say, the session wasn't over for us! We had plans...so we made him crawl into the bathtub and lie there. As he looked up at us wondering what his fate would be we stood there making comments and toying with our slave's brain. Then all of the sudden we started to spit at him. One thing lead to the other and before we knew it we were laughing hysterically! I stood up with my feet on both sides of the tub and towering over this poor pathetic little slave! I began to aim at his face. When I missed, I tried harder next time to bingo my target. At one point he was spat upon and the spittle just laid there on the corner of his mouth...Mistress said, "Oh, that's charming..." I started to laugh so hard I could feel myself starting to pee...I knew that was coming sometime later in the session, so I wanted it to be saved for the perfect moment.
I must say, I don't think I have ever laughed so hard during a session. The rapport between myself and the Mistress I was working with was terrific, but the humor in the predicament this slave was in, was undeniably FUNNY! We spat at him for about a half of an hour making comments and laughing. I suppose what was so remarkable was how much I truly enjoyed it! I would move myself closer to him crouching over his body and found different ways to tease him. I don't think he was ever quite ready for it, as he would startle if I made a funny noise as if to spit...ooops, false alarm! I found one really good technique that worked great. I would tower over him and move in a little closer, I would then gather the saliva in my mouth and start to trickle it out...then I would spit it out with force and watch where it landed. I managed to get his upper his upper lip many times and I watched as it sat there in a puddle. We both marveled at how wonderful our skills were for such a simple task.
I have discovered something new about myself. I enjoy spitting into the face of a slave and having him lick it, or open his mouth in anticipation of it falling down his throat. To me...there is poetry in everything.
July 18, 2002
Webkitty has moved to Pittsburgh and will eventually be joining the fun and excitement in the city that never sleeps, New York! I would love to visit New York and go to all those places that scream..."Indulgence! Decadence and frivolity!" Night life never ends there...that's what kitty tells me. Sounds like my kind of place to be if you ask me.
In seeing him pack up his belongings and head out of town, I was awe struck once again by the thought of people whose lives touch our own and how our lives are so much affected by the experience. Kitty is quite an amazing person...he really does have 9 lives, probably 8 after a near death experience back a couple of years ago...but more lives than most cats.
Seems like such a long time ago that we met. You see, I met kitty in a past life and throughout the years he has become my familiar. We will meet in the next life I'm sure and he will be asking me to subjugate him to devious forms of torture he concocts himself in his own mind...Kitty will always be special to me because it was he who introduced me to the fetish of latex. There is absolutely nothing in the world like the fetish for latex. What I have noticed about those who revel in the effects of what being in latex creates, are where the similarities consist of being tortured, smothered and made to endure long periods of time without the possibility of a sexual release or being physically able to escape and being made to suffer it out. I'm sure I have mentioned it before, but I so LOVE looking down at this black shiny creature whose true identity has now disappeared and become inanimate and mine to do with as I please. It has no eyes to gaze into...nor a reliable brain to think, nor a mouth to speak as it is gagged severely and made to withstand the torture of not knowing what it will need to endure next or when it will be allowed to escape!
Kitty introduced me to the beauty, sensuality and the cruelty of latex fetish. When I put on my latex cat suit and I feel the juices swimming between my legs, I know this is something I want to feel forever...When my latex is shined and I am in it, I feel like a Queen. It's something that just can't be helped. I have yet to wear latex panties or a latex cat suit where I haven't pleasured myself to several orgasms as a result of simply being covertly teased just by wearing it. When I can electric shock my kitty while he is in the bag...my heart jumps and it excites me. Sitting over my kitty's head while he has only two breather holes and I am pleasuring myself in a semiconscious state...I suppose one would say that that is very dangerous. I just say it's thrilling. Besides, there's nothing more fun than feeling the powerless struggle of your pet gasping for air while you are having the time of your life. <Maybe that's why I fell off the bed in that London hotel and almost broke my arm. Kitty was all shined up and well...layers of latex and my vibrator and a little Kirshwasser, and Oprah, and there goes the lamp and the lights and the picture hanging on the wall! What a thrill! I would recommend reading My London Story>
Needless to say I will miss having kitty near me as truly there are very few people in the world who can meld with latex the way my familiar can. The times we played were far too few and in between, but the most pleasurable to me. Life works when you keep it simple.
I would like to dedicate a song to my kitty, my friend and familiar. The song is sung by Jennifer Lopez and it is called "Alive".
July 12, 2002
I have a very dedicated foot slave...I'm sure some of you are very much aware of him as he extolls the virtues of his Mistress Sharina every chance he gets. I don't think I have ever met anyone quite so authentically dedicated. Why do I mention this? I received a card in the mail from him today, and for some reason it struck a fantasy. A very simple, not elaborate at all...fantasy.
The card he made himself. On the inside of the card he included several pages of butterfly stickers and three inspirational bookmarks. My slave is aware of the love I have for butterflies because to me butterflies represent transformation and metamorphosis. Often times I see this during the course of a session or with a slave such as my dearest little foot slave mike. Ask him and he will tell you his story, or you can read it on Max Fisch. Transformed is such a little word to use when referring to slave mike. For him, sessions were always about his foot fetish and worshipping his Mistress' feet and nothing else. I would ask him, "Are you sure you aren't into anything else?" I was thinking...please, just a little slave training to spice things up! Maybe just a little bare foot trampling? I used to stand on him in my bare feet and then let him suck on my other foot. I would laugh as I watched him struggle. Sometimes he looked perplexed. Probably wondering, "Why are you doing this?" There were times at the beginning when he would ask to see me for a session and I would feel angry at the fact that what impressed me the most about our sessions together was that it was all about him and his foot fetish! Then one day I planted a seed. While I was towering over him with a foot in his mouth I happened to look over at the cage sitting next to the bondage bed. So I say to him..."I can picture you inside that cage, groveling and desperate, begging me to worship my feet." The reply was..."oh no, I don't think I would like that!" I was at a loss for words ready to give up on him completely or just plain kill him! I was even ready to turn him over to another Mistress, I just couldn't take it anymore! Session after session, trying to figure out more fun ways to restrain him and let him worship my feet. Mind you, not for his sake, but for mine!
Two weeks later I get a call. You have a client who would like to see you, but he would like you to call him first so he may discuss the session with you. Really? Who is it? Mike. I gritted my teeth thinking, what does he want to do, worship my feet for three hours!? Then I thought maybe...just maybe the seed I planted would bare fruit! So I called and the first thing that came out of his mouth was..."I was thinking I would like to have more of a strict Mistress." "Really, Mike, that's great. I think I would be up to that...is that it?" "Well, I thought I would like to eat fruit from your toes." "Hmmmmm, really, ohhh...kaaaay." "...and I'd like you to be really strict." "Oh..kaaaaay, Mike, I think I would be up to that." I was thinking, wow, this is going to be great. I suppose he will either love it or hate it, and frankly I didn't care. I was going to have some fun! So to prepare I brought in strawberries and whipped cream and those little lady fingers and Hershey's chocolate. I brought in champagne for him to drink as I dripped it off of my knee to the tip of my toe. Of course I would be drinking mine out of a glass.
I began the session by having him assume my slave position as I expect a slave to present himself to me, and then I placed my collar around his neck. In wearing my collar, he was to learn what wearing my collar truly meant. I then made him follow my heels to the cage and then I locked him in. I then proceeded to torment him with fruit dangling from my toes. I crawled up on top of the cage as I love the view I get when I see a slave helplessly trapped. I hover like a hawk, as if waiting to eat my prey.
All in all, it was a very good scene...so much so, he wanted more of the same and a little less fruit. I would have to say that the transformation occurred somewhere during that session when I collared him. The feelings I created in him caused him to experience a certain depth of desperation and continues even more intensely to this day. The idea that knowing he may not get what he wants freely torments him. I can't tell you how many times I have seen my slave desperate, only that he exudes desperation at my feet unlike any other scene we ever did before. Because of this desperation, he suffers chronic anxiety. The anxiety comes from the desperation he feels when he is in my presence...and when he is not, it is from the anticipation of being in my presence. A sleepless night before the day of a session and a day off from work the following day to recover from the whirlwind of emotion he feels and this is the way I like it.
My fantasy? slave mike cannot endure any form of cock and ball torment. One time I took a small piece of rope and tied up his cock and balls separating the balls. I then attached a parachute and tied a piece of rope to the ring with the rope tied to the bondage bed. I have never seen someone so sensitive and in almost a state of panic! I don't think he had never experienced such a thing! Well, at the time when I realized his horror, I took the parachute and the ropes off. After all, he had come such a long way and I was so proud of him. On his birthday he was willing to submit to me as far as he thought he could go. That's another story, but in essence he wanted to be broken. Mainly because I explained to him that there would be nothing more powerful on this earth than to worship the ground I walk on after he has been diminished methodically to a puddle of tears. We were both surprised at what he took from me because in the end I beat his bottom black and blue. It was nice, because I had been wearing my boots for sometime while flogging and spanking him, so when he had had enough, I made him crawl over to the bondage bed where I took off my boots and allowed him the grace of which to worship my warm marshmallow soft feet. As it appeared, he was a puddle. Hot, sweaty, shaken and drained.
Did I veer off the path of explaining my fantasy? Of course I did. Sometimes my mind shoots off in so many directions, and thought upon thought is spawned and I can only type so fast! My fantasy, (given that slave mike would do anything for my pleasure and has, including being punished within an inch of a pulmonary...) is to wrap slave mike in pellet wrap tightly, cutting a whole out where his cock lies. Wrap his cock in pellet wrap and duct tape it to the pellet wrap surrounding his body. Take his balls in my hands and methodically pull and squeeze until he screams for mercy. Oh, that's right. I wanted to tape his mouth shut and watch him sweat off the tape...by then, he should be about done.
Sleep tight, my devoted, desperate, and anxiety ridden foot slave...(*evil grin*)
June 27, 2002
I'm in a whirlwind of busy! Is this month almost over? Ahhh, but it's lovely summertime! My latex kitty is having a time of it. My poor little latex kitty web master had the most horrible thing happen...as he was downloading a program, his hard drive went into hyper drive and may as well have blown up! Needless to say we are up and running again...but what a catastrophe!
I must say that I am enjoying this time of year in Minnesota. The days have been sunny and beautiful and when they're not, I hear the rumbling of thunder in the distance and as I'm driving down the road I see the sky light up with the most wonderful hue of flashing light. I love the smell of the earth as faint drops of rain cover the ground. It sometimes causes steam to rise from the green areas where I seem to drive right through it and then back out of it again.
Which brings to mind my little friend in Boston who is quite amusing. The letters he sends to me are filled with his fantasies of some of my favorite things. I read the letter he sent to me today and with much embellishing the vision in my mind is one of luring him into some remote area where there just happens to be a bathtub filled with water. At gunpoint, I order him to slide into this latex cat suit and hood. I take off my dress and expose my own latex cat suit. I grab hold of him and drag him into the tub and while straddling him and holding him down, I start to drown him in the water. While struggling...water is flying everywhere and I just laugh. In fact, the more he struggles, the more I laugh. Since there is very little water for me to drown him in as he has flailed most of it onto the grass...I strap his hands together with latex straps and then his legs. I then drag him out of the tub. I see his limp worm body and I order him to crawl after my heels. I watch him inching his way towards me. I say, "Come on little worm. Would you like a treat?" I see him sniffing the air with the two little nose holes in his hood. I offer him spittle from the palm of my hand. I open the mouth piece and he licks and sucks at my hand. I then unwrap the latex that binds his wrists and ankles together and I order him back into the car where I drive him to my remote torture chamber. This is where he is trained to worship and adore his new Mistress. My methods of training include severe latex bondage where I turn him into my little latex worm. <I already have a latex cat...> he suffers extensive oxygen deprivation and is taught that the air he is allowed to breathe is a gift from his Mistress. My latex worm never knows what it is like to feel the air with his nose or have his skin soothed by the breeze from a window. The time of day or night is unbeknownst to my frothy little pet.
My latex worm has two sets of genitals. I have transformed him into a lovely little hermaphrodite. Sexually stimulated and never allowed to release, my groveling little latex worm is reduced to tears...I sit on his face and smother his tears behind his hood as I hear the sobs from behind his latex gag, I smile contentedly knowing that heart and soul, he belongs to me and will until I choose to release him out of his worm cocoon.
May 30, 2002
Yesterday was my birthday, and I was blessed with the most perfect and beautiful day. I have been born under the sign of Gemini, with my rising sign as Cancer...hence nurturing SADIST. I believe that birthdays are a time for reflection. In looking back, I see where I've been and how far I've come in my life. I am then reminded to ask myself, "What's next?" I can't always see what lies ahead, but with some form of clarity, I move forward in confidence embracing the possibilities. Birthdays are truly a gift in themselves for the ability to contemplate the dynamics of our lives. As I reflect, I see people come and go in my life. I have learned that people come into our lives for a reason, a season, and a lifetime. I just love that. It lends permission of perfection in all the moments shared between us. In essence, we meet, we share parts of ourselves, and sometimes we are graced with experiences that last only moments, while others last until the end of time.
There are many dimensions to who I am as a human being. My sun sign reflects that. I understand the importance of sharing an experience with someone who has entered my world to be in the moment and to see what happens. I intuitively ask myself...what needs to occur so that we may become affected by the experience and become more connected?
I was deeply touched, as I often am with certain experiences I share with the people I meet. A man came to see me for a session. Very tall, broad shoulders, nice face. He likes wearing women's lingerie...he has a beautiful pair of legs that look quite stunning in gartered stockings. He explained to me in so many words that although married, lacked any physical contact with a woman. His wife has no interest whatsoever in being intimate, physically or mentally. I could see how deeply affected he was by the situation. I decided to make this session more conversational and light hearted. He wanted to worship my feet, so I restrained his hands and ankles and stood above him watching as he became totally engulfed. I talked with him about this and that and we laughed. I erotically teased him while he laid there powerless to do anything. The session was very enjoyable as he is such a wonderful and intelligent man. He craved to be appreciated. It amazed me that the intimacy in his life had become quite empty. I looked at his body beneath mine and I marveled at the shape of it and the contradiction of the masculinity and femme clothing brought together and how very sexy it all looked. It reminded me of a postcard I collected in San Francisco. A black and white picture of a dark haired, olive complexioned man, muscle bound and flexing, but in black vinyl, high heeled thigh high boots. <sigh>
When the session had ended and we were standing by the door, he thanked me. He explained that he hadn't laughed like that in such a long time and now he just felt peaceful and filled. There are times when I feel that what I do in terms of BDSM to be of therapeutic value. I have literally beaten a masochist until he cried for mercy and then held him as he sobbed, while he thanked me over and over again for the release. Those are the moments I treasure.
...As women, we forget how to be The Goddess. The Goddess knows how to get under the skin of a man and have him worship the ground she walks on. Not so much for demanding it, but for who she is being at the time to create feelings in a man to unconsciously have him desire to worship her without even thinking about it. Although seemingly an invisible possession, it permeates the air with credulity. It's like this... I walk towards a door and out of nowhere a man appears and opens it to allow me to walk through. I smile, and make eye contact, and say "Thank you" as I walk through. It is truly a wonderful feeling to be acknowledged as a Goddess. I do believe that all men truly want to feel this way.
I love to see a woman walking steadily towards a door and slow for me as I open up the door for her. I think, "Is this what it's like to be a man?" I see a woman hold a cigarette up to her mouth and I reach for the matches and strike...cupping the flame into her cigarette. I flick the match flame out and go about my business as if it is no big deal, but it is. I am affected by this interaction of sorts. It alters my body chemistry if only for a moment or two.
So...I look forward to my life, with all the wonderful intricacies of experiences I have yet to create and share. Have you ever noticed that the more open to possibility you are, the more of a possibility you are to participate in your life? One never knows what's around the corner. Something that occurs in a split second can change your life forever, and that's what I'm counting on...every day of my life.
May 11, 2002
The mind fuck. When you believe truly that what you are experiencing, really isn't what you are experiencing at all...I was playing with a man who deep in his heart is a dominant man, but on occasion he enjoys being a bottom and placing himself in my hands. The dynamics of our scene is one that is balanced by my feminine powers and his true masculinity. Why would I use that term true masculinity? Because this man is filled with male energy. He is loaded with it...from the top of his head to the bottoms of his feet, it permeates the air with gentle strength. His demeanor is one of quiet calm...that is until I touch him. Piercing dark brown eyes and very broad shoulders, he reminds me of King Kong. His cock and balls balance out his body as if an artist chiseled just the right size on this muscular body. I render him helpless with wrist restraints and a spreader bar. His eyes are blind folded so he can't see me. I stand very close to him and offer my neck for him to sniff. He takes a very deep breath and I watch his arms move against his chained wrists. His cock is hard and dripping and I can feel the warmth of his body as I stand close to him. I have placed small square hand warmers in my boustier and as I take them out I feel the heat. I remove them carefully so he may not hear and I cover his nipples with them for a short period of time and then I remove them. Nipple clips take the place of the hot warmers. Placing the hot pads back in my boustier, I pull on the nipple chain. I take a small piece of rope and tie up his ball sack. Not too tight as I have something else in mind and I need them to be a bit loose. I take small clothespins about an inch and a half long, and I begin placing them in a row from the right side to the left side of the scrotum. I place a very small row of small pins above these. I have these little black pinching clips I clip to the underside of the penis. The last clip, closest to the underside of the head is pointed. When preparing for my session, I placed a small cup with several ice cubes lining the bottom. I take a piece of ice out and carefully drip ice water on his penis. At this point, I know it must feel like hot candle wax...so I go a little further and take the ice and slowly holding it to the skin, running a line where the clips are placed on the shaft of the penis. I hear a slow growl that charges my insides. I take out my hand warmers again and place them over the nipple clips. Again I use the ice on his penis. Soon, I take the clips off and as I do this I begin very slowly as I love watching him twitch and growl. The energy that is created between the cause and effect is quite electric. At the end of the session he asks me. "What were you burning me with? It felt amazing! Was it fire? Was it alcohol?" No darling, it was ice. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have his body, as mine is the complete opposite. To me, that is the beauty of playing with a body...it's like the body becomes an extension of my own.
April 14, 2002
My first milestone anniversary for the website at ONE YEAR! I look back at the pages of my writings and trips in and out of the country and I can't help but wonder what experiences this next year will hold. I like to sprinkle my life with balance, so although I am a rubber fetishist and a Mistress of many dimensions...I have quite a few other passions that fill my life as well. I invite you to journey with me through this next year and be a special part of my life in some way. Each time I scene with someone, I am reminded of all the intricacies which fill each human spirit I play with. I marvel at what each person contributes to my life as a Mistress and as a woman. Sometimes I wonder what makes me tick. How could I enjoy rendering a man helpless by kicking him solidly in the ball sack, and then as I watch him drop to the floor, kick him the rest of the way with my heel gently pushing his shoulder and then laughing maniacally? Or why I love strapping down a body with pellet wrap and erotically teasing it mercilessly until I let it out of it's cocoon as if being reborn? I suppose that is why I call myself a nurturing sadist...So HAPPY ANNIVERSARY to us...Mistress Sharina and to all of you who choose to be a part of My world. CHEERS!
April 10, 2002
Sometimes I think men just like to be walked on. I was in a situation where I happened to be working with some of your more main stream people. Well, there was a very nice gentleman who decided to lie on the floor. I can only describe it to say that quite like a mouse who loves cheese so much is willing to get his head chopped off by eating it out of a trap, such is it that I am willing to suffer the consequences of tip toeing over to a man's body while it lie's quietly on the floor while I take off my heel and place my stockinged foot on his chest and begin to lightly stand on him. This was truly a wonderful surprise to me as the nice gentleman did nothing but smile...I kicked my other heel off and placed it on his chest as well. I was never happier with my ability to test the real limits by jumping on him! This isn't the first time this urge has struck me and I acted on it with the same results. Yes, I do believe men enjoy being underneath a woman's feet while she stares down on his smiling face! I wonder what would happen if I placed my stockinged foot up to his nose and then slid it in through his lips? Do you suppose....?
March 25, 2002
At the end of a session, I revel in my accomplishment and creativity that allowed my slave to be put in the head space I put him in. Sometimes the feelings that are created in me are overwhelming! When I have a powerless body beneath my heels, and I slip my heels off and stick my feet in his mouth...I start to feel warm from the bottoms of my toes to the insides of my thighs. If I am wearing my latex panties, the juices start seeping out, dripping down my thigh in a trickle. I reach for my vibrator and with my toes in my slaves mouth...my feet pressing his entire face and mouth I feel him beneath me struggling as I smother him. As I orgasm, my slave is so grateful just to feel the pressure from my feet and hear my breath escape my open mouth. Although he is powerless to touch himself, the idea that he might be granted an orgasm in my presence, is a reward worth waiting for...
March 8, 2002
There is nothing more beautiful to me than a rock hard penis. There are times when I am about to begin a session with someone I have only spent several minutes talking with...prying into the mind of a true masochist or peeking into the heart of a trembling novice. Regardless...When I am ready for my session, I enter the room. I have been told that I tend to float through a room as if walking on air, <which is not always easy in 7 inch stilettos.> Needless to say, here I am making my entrance right through the door until my finger points in the direction of my slave. I don't look at him of course, I just point and instruct him to remove all of his clothing. "Put them right over there slave...and then I want you on your knees. Knees open, hands behind your back, chin to your chest...", "What's that slave?" <My ear leans out for a listen> "Yes Mistress" I say. My slave responds with, "Yes Mistress." <Certainly by now you're getting the drift now aren't you?...and yes, I mean you. <wink>
I marvel all the time at when exactly my rock hard penis will show up. Just the mere sight of me...strikingly beautiful in my latex, all shined up and glistening. Or while standing in front of me, my tethered slave to the cross, I come face to face while pressing my body up against my powerless little slave boy. Usually his eyes are staring into my mouth or chin. I can feel it pressing between my soft thighs, wet at the tip and drooling. It is then that my fun begins. Because no matter where my rock hard penis is, I revel at delighting myself in torturing it to no end. I wrap the ball sack with as much rope as will severely stretch the sack of my slave until I hear a little whimper perhaps...possibly a sigh after the air has been held in the lungs as long as possible? Certainly not exactly a sigh of relief as I reach for a rubber cock ring and place it at the base of my beautiful rock hard penis. As I look into my velveteen box for something more to decorate it with, I see my tiny stainless steel spiked hammer. I take it out of the protective wrap and begin to lightly torture the nipples with it. The nipples although sensitive, not quite as sensitive as the head of a rock hard penis...After my nipple demonstration, my slave can see that the needle hammer creates intense pain. One might want to remain very still when the Mistress has this perched between her fingers. I then proceed to lightly tap the ball sack...then the head of the penis. Wonderful control my slave demonstrates as he will refuse to jump or jerk.
Forceps are placed directly at the tip on the underside of my hard penis. Clips then line the bottom. Like a Christmas present waiting to be unwrapped, I wait until just the right moment and that is when the fun begins. I slowly take them all out one by one. I start at the base of the penis and work my way to the forceps at the tip. One by painful one, my slave cringes. Beads of sweat drip down the side of his face as he bites his lip. The last one...my favorite, the clamp that makes it all worth while. I slowly unclamp the forceps and crawl up quickly placing my ear next to my slave's mouth as an involuntary scream escapes him! Joy! I place a lubed glove around the shaft of my beautiful rock hard penis, soothing it so desperation takes the place of subsiding pain.
My beautiful rock hard penis is never more beautiful than when it is placed so close to my pelvis, that one could not tell whose body it belongs to. I straddle my desperate slave and the cock belongs to ME. As I glance over into the mirror, the cock is part of my body. After all...isn't that the way it should be? Powerless, tormented, and desperate, and Mine...
February 18, 2002
I had the most wonderful scene the other day...My client came in 10 minutes earlier than his appointment was set for. When an appointment is set, I expect my client to be knocking at the door straight up on time. Not early, and certainly not late. When a client is early, it tells me he is thoughtless. Sure, he might be nervous...that is understandable, but be nervous in your car! So here he comes, rap rap rap on the door. I look up while lacing my latex boot with an obvious smirk on my face, my eyes upward to the ceiling...<sigh> I go to the door and let him in. 'it' smiles at me. he turns around and closes the door and as he whips back around to face me I bring my hand up and slap his face hard! "Take your shoes off at the door and crawl into the dungeon! <yes Mistress!> he crawls in as I yell, "What were you thinking coming here for your appointment 10 minutes early! Certainly you weren't thinking of ME now were you My worthless pathetic slave!?" <no Mistress...I'm soooo sorry Mistress...> "Take off your clothing...all of it!" I'm sure my slave could hear my heels deliberately clicking on the floor as I walked away and into the other room. I sat down, evil little grin on my face and started to laugh. I made him wait about as long as it took for the small amount of perspiration to evaporate from my forehead and for my boots to be completely laced up. I slowly approached the dungeon. Here was my poor, pathetic, thoughtless little slave on his knees and in the wrong position I might add...So I slowly walked around him...heels clicking against the floor. "Hands behind your back, chin to your chest, knees OPEN ankles together!" <yes Mistress!> I stopped right in front of my slave...slapping him again and spitting in his face. "Shame on you slave! <yes Mistress...so sorry, but if I could ask one question?> "Worthless slave wants to ask his Mistress a question...what is it slave?" <Mistress, may I go to the bathroom?> Let me just take a little break here to reflect on the beauty of the position he was putting himself in. I mean really! It was as if he had put gasoline on an already blazing fire! So I say to him calmly..."So you want to take a pee on My time slave, is this right?" <well. Yes, Mistress...I was worried about being late and I thought I could use the dungeon bathroom.> "Really slave? you want to pee on My time...?" <yes Mistress, please, may I? I have to go so bad!> Well, this was too yummy, so I made him wait while I looked through my items of torture for things to play with. I brought My collar over to him. "you are not even worthy to wear My collar..." <yes, I know Mistress...I will never be good enough> I placed the leather collar around his neck and locked it into place and clipped a leather leash to the front ring. "Crawl into the bathroom!" <yes Mistress> his eyes gaze up to mine as if wondering...i am standing up Mistress...hopefully you will let me pee standing up and not make me shoot it out into an arching stream? I laughed to myself and stood right behind My slave while he pathetically tried to pee into the toilet. "What's the matter slave?" <uh...i'm having a hard time trying to pee...> "I see that My little pussy boy..." it finally takes a pee...I can distinctly hear him breathing a sigh of relief as his time was almost up and I was running out of patience. he finishes and back onto the floor he goes. I lead him over to the cage. "Get in!" he gets into the cage, I slam the door and lock it. I get my cane and start poking him with it. I reach in every now and then to pull his hair from the back of his head and then again to slap him...then I spit on him. I was having quite a wonderful time! I get an idea, so I walk over to the box with nipple clips in it. I take out the clover leaf clips. You know, the ones where once attached get tighter if you try to pull them off? I start stroking his nipples and I can see he likes this. Of course I'm leading him into a false sense of pleasure...just getting him ready for something bigger and better and MORE AMUSING for ME! I pinch and clip the left nipple and then bring the chain through the outside of the bars and then back into the cage and onto the right nipple. I sit perched on the floor. "slave?" <yes Mistress?> "How badly do you want to spend time with me on the other side of this cage?" <very bad Mistress...very bad!> "What would you do to have me let you out?" <I would do anything Mistress!> "ANYTHING slave?" <anything Mistress...> Well, do I love the word anything like I love champagne and a rare porterhouse, or what? So I tell My slave..."Break the nipple clips off of your nipples and I will let you out." So My slave starts pulling and I can see that he could use just a little more room to back out of the cage and pull those clips off. I go get the key and unlock the door...creak! as it opens up. "Now slave you have more room! he starts inching his way out and groaning and huffing and making this noise and I just stare and laugh because this is so amusing to Me! I see his leg out and his bottom pointed towards the door and to no avail! "Come on slave...harder!" <But Mistress, I'm trying as hard as I can!> "That's just it slave you are trying...now just go and DO IT! Well, he is failing miserably so I sit in front of him looking at his scrunched-up, sweaty and spat on face and I ask once again. "Are you sure you will do anything to get out of here to be with your Mistress on the other side? <oh yes Mistress!> Without further warning, I reach up and grab the middle of the chain and jerk the clips off simultaneously! My slave screams...AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I was in heaven! I laughed so hard, I think I may have keeled over! There he was, still in the cage with this surprised look on his sweaty face! My poor slave finally came out of the cage. I had him crawl over to me...drenched in sweat, whimpering. As I held his head to my panties and stroked his head I said, "Now that wasn't so bad now was it slave...?" <no Mistress...> Well, we played a few more humiliating games and when I was finished with him, I had him crawl over to his pile of clothing, kneel in front of me and as I unlocked the collar from around his neck I had him say, "Mistress, I am nothing without you." After all, and I say this all the time. "The training never ends..."
February 4, 2002
I would like to express my gratitude to my loyal pet, Latex Cat, whom I call "kitty." He has been an invaluable resource of help and information in supporting me for who I am and who I am becoming. He is smart and talented and purrs whenever I stoke his latex clad body...Thank goodness I haven't accidentally smothered him! It amazes me how much he enjoys being punished in latex. It has been some time since we have done a session together. Life gets so full of things to do and every now and then I must stop being so busy. I love putting kitty in the straight jacket and the latex body bag...wrapped up so tight he can barely breath through the little nose holes he is lucky to have. I crush him with my full body weight. I can't help it, I just enjoy the feel of the latex between my legs. I can hear him breathe as he takes in the air only to have me suffocate him...It truly is a cruel game, but he loves it so much and is willing to go as far as he can for me. <sigh> What would life be like without a little oxygen deprivation from time to time? I mean really! Strapped down like a helpless laboratory animal, completely void of looking like anything human, powerless to speak as the feel of the latex gag chokes off any temptation to scream, or groan. Feeling the nails of your Mistress on the other side of the bag, while she pleasures herself to orgasm and all you can do, pathetic little creature that you are, is pray that she will remember not to get too lost in the moment...
February 3, 2002
There is an art to foot worship as well as trampling. Trampling for some can create visions of big boots to severe stiletto heels crushing the life out of whatever it comes in contact with. The thought of steel heeled stilettos or big black Doc Marten's pummeling the life out of anything would seem quite severe at the very least! Well, although quite severe, trampling can also be very erotic and it can be done methodically. For me to look down at the body I'm torturing, preferably unrestrained as I see it as a conscious choice for my slave to endure what pleases his Mistress, I feel empowered with a sense of thrill! I watch as my slave breathlessly endures with great stamina what I offer to him...a toe to suck, a crushing heel to the chest, and a nice warm smile of approval from his Mistress.
I received an endearing letter from a trampling admirer who said, "The beautiful arched toes of your right foot, somehow seem to say, 'yes, now I have found you, and you know you have been bad, I hope you are as strong as my beautiful toes, for we will see soon."' Often times I have felt the anticipatory pangs of what I am about to do. I can feel it in my mouth. Like the hunger that is about to be quenched by biting into a juicy steak...
To be with a body that takes my punishment is priceless to me, for I know that deep down inside this is one way to truly give oneself over to your Mistress.
February 1, 2002
I looked in my laundry basket today and low and behold beneath all my dirty lingerie was a rolled up latex sheet and a long roll of latex strip. It has been there for quite awhile so you can see why it took me by surprise. I had forgotten all about it. I thought, "What the heck, I better wash it." So I ran the bath water and turned the laundry basket up side down and plopped in the latex. I knelt by the tub and stuck my fingers inside. The warm water against my fingers and the smell of the latex as I swished the latex sheet around to get it clean was so wonderful to me. The smell brings back fond memories of some of my very first experiences with latex. Something about the smell is so intoxicating...
January 17, 2002
What a magnificent New Year it has been so far! May your year of 2002 be all that you create it to be! This new year has been quite wonderful, despite a few shocking world occurrences at the end of last year that has left us all in a state of shock and finally lead us to the healing process. The year 2002 is a time for new beginnings and for us all to move forward with grace and love. Gratitude is essential...I will say that for me, I'm not quite sure what happened after my trip to London. Things just veered out of control! The closer to the holidays I became, the more frenzied my schedule became! Now towards the end of January, things are falling into place. Clarity has replaced chaos and I feel grounded and ready to go! Do look for my London Trip story, coming up shortly. I hope you enjoy the new pictures, there will be more to come in about 10 days. I have some terrific ideas for the web site as well as an area for members and true fetishists! With the help of my Web Master kitty, we are creating a wonderful site for you to have some fun with! So, here's to creating a most wonderful New Year, but mostly here's to the life we've already created...
With love and light,
M Sharina Nicole