about master and slave

Expert: Sharina Nicole

Question
hi,,,i am in this relationship and i want more information about this relation. my slave wants me more violent but its my first time i don't know to handle whole this situation please suggest me,,thanks very much

Answer
harmeet,

I have seen couples throughout the years who have just this same problem. The slave, submissive or the masochist wants their dominant to practice more intensity, but the dominant has trouble with this because they don't want to hurt their partner.

This is understandable and it complicates things more when the dominant does not feel it is in their nature to be strict in ways that just don't feel comfortable. The slave can beg, plead and sign on the dotted line, but if it is not in the heart of the dominant to be sadistic, then there will always be this conflict.

What to do. Well, I have a couple of suggestions that may help. First, I think it is important to receive some modeling from other dominants who are sadistic or really, who understand the needs of their slave when they veer into intense forms of play.

Join some groups in your area, they usually have play party events, and the events are pansexual. Also, go to conventions. You meet the NICEST people there and you can go to classes and watch people play at the nightly dungeon parties. This way, you don't feel like you are on your own, and you can learn about things you want to know more about in this somewhat complex field of S/m play. The more you know, the more you will feel comfortable.

The key about intense play is to 1) know your slave's limits and boundaries. They all have them, even if they tell you they don't. 2) Educate yourself on techniques, safety and FIRST AIDE. This alone will help you with feeling confident.

Here is a great web site that I recommend for events and groups: http://www.thebdsmeventspage.com/organizations.html

There is also a group called "Masters and slaves Together". http://mast.net/home.htm This group is made up of men and women and may not have a chapter in your area, but is a very good group.

By the way, don't feel bad if you can't seem to get into this kind of groove. There may be other ways that fulfil your slave's needs for intensity if it isn't in your soul to be sadistic. You may meet people at a play party and you may watch your slave be played with. When you see other's playing with intensity whether it is with your slave or not, it helps you see that limits can be stretched and people enjoy being tested.

If you are in this situation, make sure you are ALWAYS there with your slave and that he has a "safe signal" in case he wants the play to stop. A safe signal is an action where no words are needed so you know when to stop the scene. This could be a clip in your slave's hand that he drops when he wants the scene to stop. You should always be there to protect your slave and you should let others know you have this safe signal in place.

Which brings me to this wonderful web site: www.kink.com
My suggestion would be to go to this little sub division of kink.com to:
"Bound Gods" http://www.boundgods.com/site/shoot/11713-Master-Dirk-Caber.html  Here you will find male on male S/m coupled with sex. The great part about it is you can watch the trailers for free. At the end of the video, they talk about how great it was but when you watch it you might wonder...

Go here too: http://www.meninpain.com Here you will find women dominating men, in the same fashion, but it is very interesting the human spirit. Male or female it doesn't matter, some people THRIVE on pain and they enjoy it.

Get a subscription to "Bound Gods" and watch full entire scenes. The cost is ridiculously low and you can really get into what people do to get their groove on. These "models" are loving every minute of it. I have a friend who did some S/m bondage modeling for a site called InSex, when it had the male on male. I know him to be a masochist, so basically, he was getting paid for something he adored.

Just notice when you see the trailers, the slave seems sooooo uncomfortable and is struggling. But in the video interview after the scene, they ask the sub if they had a good time and they always smile and glow and sparkle and say, "YES"!

You will find your way. Be patient with the process and everything will fall into place.

Let me know how it's going...

M Sharina