Expert: Sharina Nicole - 7/14/2011

Question
My Sir and I have been together now for almost 6 months dating openly and enjoying the lifestyle in private. We have talked about anything and everything imaginable before and at the beginning of our relationship... Or so I thought. Recently I my Sir had been asking me to lick and play with his ass more which didn't bother me so much accept that I didn't know it was something he liked that much. Well then recently he was cleaning out his old email acct while on the comp with me there curled up next to him which he didn't realize had notifications from an old dating site. A guy for guy site. Which he had always said he was strictly a Top and straight. So it led to a lot of questions and him explaining it was really old and from a curious/confused time in his life but that he never did follow through with it. Has never been with a guy or submissive to anyone. Well after this tidbit about his past came out he did a few wks later confess to liking anal stimulation and being curious about it and now wanting to explore such things with me. I do have a strong dominant personality and could enjoy topping once in a blue mood but am a sub at heart and scared switching roles might lead to me loosing the Dominant I have. What if he likes it more. I am happy he wants to explore with me and not someone else and don't want to deny him but am at a total loss on how we could explore his anal curiosities with me as a bottom instead of top. please help!?

Answer
Worried little girl,

Enjoy your relationship for what it is and trust each other. If something comes up, you will know it and feel it. If and when that ever happens, take your relationship for face value and enjoy what you have, but always be honest and address issues immediately. Communication is key to any successful relationship.

As for your being submissive, that may still stay in tact in your current relationship. It sounds like it works for you both. I can give you an example of how being a slave or being submissive is about service, no matter what the context of the service.

Example: I own a slave and I allow my slave to have sex with me. If I want to have my slave service me in my favorite position which is more a submissive position (let's say, on my back) if that's what I want from my slave or submissive, I expect him to perform this pleasure the way I like it. It doesn't make me less dominant, it is about my slave serving me the way I want.

Now, since you have a dominant side like you say you do, have fun with that on occasion, but tell your Sir how you feel and what your fears are. Tell him you don't want to lose him as your dominant. There are ways to have everything you want without compromising what you have and what has made your relationship thrive the way it has so far. Relationships change, ALL relationships change and shift certain dynamics, but I suppose it is what you are willing to allow to shift.

My suggestion would be to be honest with your Sir. Tell him your fears like I said and while you explore this new part of your relationship, be conscious of the energy dynamic, but at the same time give it a chance. You know how it is when you have a new toy and you want to play with it all the time and then suddenly, it isn't so new anymore and you begin to play with your other toys. That is what most certainly will happen if you face it, explore it, and enjoy it together. If he loves you and wants to make you happy, he will also see that he needs to compromise and meet you in the middle somewhere. Relationships are also give and take and compromising along with good communication is key.

Let him enjoy exploring this with you. He trusts you and if you can remain more submissive during this exchange, (refer to my example) you will have no problem in finding the right balance in your relationship.

Please keep me in the loop and let me know how it is working out for you...

M Sharina

Questioner's Rating
Rating(1-10)    Knowledgeability = 10    Clarity of Response = 10    Politeness = 10
Comment    Thank you so much. Your answer very much helped me and my Sir.