caned by wife

Expert: Sharina Nicole

Question
Hi,
i have been married for 3 years and would love my wife to take charge @ home, i really feel the need for her to cane me and keep me naked all the time @ home, i want her to make me help with all the housework ect. i want her to cane me for punishment and also sexual gratification i want her to leave welts on me and also have me shaved all the time, have her put me over a chair in the lounge or over the kitchen table and cane me,i also want her to feed me my own cum and masterbate in front of her on command, i have suggested this to her but she dosent seem instrested, i feel like it will enhance our relationship and build a stronger bond between us, if she takes control and canes me for stepping out of line. please advise on any suggestions. thank you

Answer
john,

This is a difficult question to answer for several reasons, but I will give you some suggestions that will help you. First john, you have been married for 3 years and in terms of a traditional marriage where you live, women on the most part tend to be subservient to their husbands. If your wife is different than this, if she takes charge in certain aspects of your relationship, if she appears to be more dominant than submissive, there may be some hope for you.

It is not impossible to guide a woman to be your dominant, but often times what is missing is the energy that is exchanged between two people which makes the experience exquisite. If a woman is geared this way, she will enjoy her new found kink. If not, if she shy's away from it like entering a burning building, chances are you will never be able to guide her in that direction. She may accuse you of being a pervert and deranged. The other thing that comes into play are religious practices. Some women would never want to put themselves into this type of a scenario, because it goes against the grain of what they have been taught.

So I think the thing to ask here, is "how OPEN to your kink do you think your wife might be"? If you see the door open a crack, you will know how to proceed, if the door is shut, maybe there is still hope. But if the door is locked and bolted, you may have to find another way of experiencing your kink. Then I might suggest a professional dominatrix in your area.

If you think she may be open, introduce things slowly and with humor. Make love to her and after languishing in bed together with you in her arms, say, "I enjoy what we have so much, you are such a Queen to me". She may not think anything of it at the time, but she may think, "Yes, I can picture myself being my husband's Queen". (Oh look, the door is opening wider)

You continue connecting to your wife. You treat her like a queen, you open her doors, you ask if there is anything she needs, you rub her feet while she sits in a chair and you are on the floor. Maybe you kiss her toe, but only once. You get her used to feeling like a Queen. You introduce very slowly, some basic concepts. Once you see how she is accepting being treated as such, it will help in setting the context for moving forward.

You can't pour your heart out to your wife and say, "Honey, I want to be your slave and I want to worship you and I want you to beat me with a cane"! This would be too much. To use a metaphor, she is just like a new born baby. You wouldn't give your baby steak, right? The baby has no teeth. But you would give the baby some soft, sweet, mashed up bananas...

You GET TO lay all the ground work. This will take time and effort on your part, but you are grooming her for something bigger and more rewarding. Who knows how much time it may take, but if you don't go slow, chances are, she will be turned off and never want to talk about it again AND she will know your secret and that may change the dynamics of your relationship altogether.

There is a book I want you to read. It's called, "When Someone You Love is Kinky" written by marriage and family counselor Dossie Easton and writer/educator Catherine A. Liszt. When Someone You Love Is Kinky to help "non-kinky" folks understand and communicate with their kinky friends, partners, and relatives. Included are guidelines for dealing with the emotional turmoil of the coming-out process; brief and non-threatening descriptions of the commonest kinks (and ideas about why people enjoy them); suggestions for how to talk to your kinky friend or relative in ways that promote good communication; explanation of how kinky people keep themselves safe while exploring diverse sexualities; a glossary of commonly used terminology from the kink communities; a resource guide to help the reader find further information and support. I think this book will help you (on your side of things) to understand how your wife may feel and then in tern what it is she may be reading someday. Find it on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/When-Someone-You-Love-Kinky/dp/1890159239/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UT...

Please keep me posted with your progress especially if you have any other questions along the way!

I wish you much luck in opening up a whole new dimension in your marriage.

M Sharina