Please Do Not Laugh At Me

 
Expert: Sharina Nicole

QUESTION: Mistress Sharina
 Please try to answer my question without pre-judging me. i am not stupid or crazy. I am for real. I am not on any drug now or any time in the past. I am a nurse, from a normal and happy family, with a good position at work. Pretty. Single. 28 year-old . Bi-sexual. Very much into BDSM. Very much into extreme BDSM indeed. It all started when a formal lesbian partner took me into a private BDSM club in Amsterdam 5 years ago. It was a turning point in my sexual life, in all my life to be accurate. I discovered myself that night. I was so excited that I begged the club Master, who had his right hand amputated in an industrial accident earlier, to use me as the "subject" of the evening. He agreed. I was beaten, humiliated, marked, burned, repeatedly fisted (by him and by many of the attending members) and brutally fucked (in all three holes) while everyone was watching and laughing. I just loved the experience.  My partner was astonished, so I WAS. I WAS SO FULFILLED SEXUALLY AND EMOTIONALLY FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE THAT NIGHT.I got hooked. I became a regular. I became so much involved with the most extreme BDSM practices you could think of. I tried everything. I loved ONLY the very rough practices.  I have a high tolerance for extreme pain. 2 years ago I met my Master. HE IS A SENIOR GYNO DOCTOR at the same hospital. He IS an extreme sadist with vast experience in Belgique, his native country. I later moved to his mansion to become his 24/7. Now I serve, respect, obey, love and please him with no limit. Our relationship is strange. No safe words or limits. Nothing. Last year he collared me in a ceremony in the same Amsterdam club. Master is also into extremes. He pierced my clit, branded my genitals, amputated one of my nipples, deeply scarred my body in different intimate places, done horrendous surgical suturing to my private parts for extended periods of time, and surgically  modified my anal opening to make fisting more painful. I am his devout servant and animal. I consume all his saliva,semen, urine,scat and Roman shower. Then we had our problem. I have been begging him to amputate my right hand for months. He is not so sure about that. I am 100% sure that I want it. He is delaying for reasons I do not understand.  I wonder whether he no longer wants me around him. IT IS HURTING ME A GREAT DEAL. Am I right? Do you have an explanation? I want my hand amputated and told him that I am willing to sign any legal paper to clear him from any liability now or in the future. I am willing to go to Thailand , where HE can perform the operation at ease. Master is still hesitating. I am suffering. Please do not laugh at me great Mistress .  I am not crazy. I have an unstoppable urge to fulfill this burning desire.  What can I do to convince him? Please help me. I beg you. Please do not ignore my question. I beg you, Mistress Sharina.
 Liliane

 ANSWER: Liliane,
 (Extreme slave Liliane)

 My intention is not to diagnose, because I am not a qualified Doctor, but my intention is to give you pertinent information that may help you see yourself in a different light. A person with the desire to have a body part or limb amputated is not crazy. On the contrary. There are several different connections to the disorder itself. First, it is a neurological disorder called apotemnophilia, where healthy minded and rational individuals have a strong desire to have otherwise healthy body parts, digits and limbs removed by having them amputated. Patients diagnosed with apotemnophilia are sometimes also thought to have (BIID) Body Integrity Identity Disorder. Patients feel disconnected to their body part or limb and although it is healthy, they don't identify with it and want it removed by amputation. They sometimes think it belongs to someone else which is a disorder called Somatoparaphrenia and is a type of monothematic delusion where one denies ownership of a limb or an entire side of one's body. This individual desires amputation, but there is no sexual component that accompanies the desire. This feeling is so strong, the patient will harm themselves in order to have an emergency amputation, or they will do it themselves in desperation. Obvious medical ramifications may arise from this and it is very dangerous to say the least.

 One of the reasons for this disorder is damage to the prefrontal cortex of the brain. This area of the brain is responsible for the way we see ourselves in the right body image. People with apotemnophilia will see themselves missing limbs and feel as if they are supposed to be living their life without those limbs. They will feel depression setting in because they don't feel like they are in their right body and experience an identity crisis.

 This disorder has been compared to those who desire a sex change. These people don't feel right in their own body and feel that they were born with the wrong sex organs so they want them removed. As disfiguring as this is, there have been  controversial debates about the suggestion that the benefits of a person being able to feel right in their own body by modifying it, is more of a benefit than a risk because they are (in their mind) restored to the condition of wholeness.

 One of the biggest problems with apotemnophilia is that they do not seek professional treatment for their condition from a Doctor who can help. They suffer depression which makes taking action even more difficult.

 Now, the problem with a Doctor performing an amputation on a perfectly healthy limb is that it goes against what a Doctor is trained for. In my country a Doctor takes an oath. It's called the Hippocratic Oath, which is "First do no harm". (short version)

 For some people, methods in BDSM helps, and it is a godsend to find something that releases depression or makes them feel normal for a while. But with the condition of apotemnophilia, the condition still remains untreated.

 Now, I can give you information, but this will never take the place of being evaluated by a qualified physician. So please, before a life altering action is taken, please seek the advice and treatment of a qualified Doctor.

 This ailment you speak of is real and my heart goes out to those who suffer. My heart goes out to you as well.

 M Sharina


 ---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

 QUESTION: Great Mistress Sharina
 I can not say anything about the diagnosis. You said it all. Your outstanding knowledge is so clear and informative.
 the problem remains as I am asking for EFFECTIVE WAYS TO TALK TO MY MASTER TO CONVINCE HIM TO DO IT.
 What should I tell him?
 How can I beg him?
 What can I give him in return as I have given him all myself already?
 I wish I could threaten him that I would do it myself, but I am so afraid of him leaving me as a result. I am really suffering and begging you for help. Please take me seriously. Yell me specifically what should i tell hem. Please, great Mistress. I beg you. You can make your answer private if you feel more comfortable.  I beg you.
 Liliane




Answer
Not possible. Here's the thing. If I told you I wanted you to do something for me that was illegal, would you do it? If I told you that I needed your help, and only your help in doing something that I could go to jail for, would you risk everything for me in order to do it? Would you put your life on the line, your freedom on the line and your conscience on the line to help me? How could anyone ask another person to do that?

 My suggestion remains the same. Talk to a Doctor who has experience with apotemnophilia. Until you deal with this disorder, it will always be a factor.

 M Sharina