Mistress, Emotional, Relationship

Expert: Sharina Nicole

Question
QUESTION: Mistress Sharina?... My question is almost naive. Needless to say I will ask. I've just begun a relationship with a Mistress (B&D) I am very open minded yet still have the question "Does the Mistress get sexual pleasure from her Dominant work?" To me it would be normal to be stimulated with the right client... it's something I will talk about with her. I feel if I'm to remain in this warm relationship, my mind set is to accept. I thought I did.. It's my thoughts and my feeling of wanting the B & D with her, but would it would be like work or she may switch off.
She is a lovely woman... communication is the only way. I'm answering my own question.. My Dilemma... Thank you for your time as any thoughts would be appreciated.

ANSWER: Ben,

Well, I think that is a perfectly good question! AND, I am going to cover all the bases, because it is a multi-dimensional question.

I am assuming you are referring to her as a professional dominant, (meaning there is a monetary tribute for your time with her) so I will answer the question as such.

Domination is sexual in nature, but professional domination is not prostitution. There is no sexual intercourse or oral sex unless your Mistress requires you to orally worship her strap-on, which there is no skin to skin physical contact. Having said that, "does a Mistress get sexual pleasure from her dominant work"? Of course every Mistress is different, I can only speak in terms of my own experience, but I would say that in many ways, YES, a Mistress can receive sexual pleasure from a session with a client and who the client is or what the client looks like has no bearing on what turns us on.

There are many emotions that pop in and out of a scene with someone. I feel many things while I am orchestrating a session with a client and one of those feelings is a sexual rush of energy. It doesn't matter if I am attracted to my client or not. He can be a homely skinny little man, or someone who has a prosthetic leg, but if I am exchanging a certain kind of energy with this person, and I am getting buzzed on that energy alone, sometimes I get immensely turned on by that feeling. Sure, my slave may be blindfolded or in bondage, or possibly in a latex vac bed being sucked into the latex and unable to see me pleasure myself, but the feelings are there just the same. In that case, all he may feel is my warm body above him, and to me, this is what makes the scene charged with sexual energy.

How can a Mistress help but feel delicious when her slave is properly and sensually sucking her toes and licking her feet? When my legs are tented over my bound slave and he is in danger of being suffocated, this is very pleasing to me!

When you are in the midst of a good scene, there is a connection whether or not your Mistress is turned on. Maybe power exchange turns her on, maybe teasing you with her scented panties turns her on. But whatever it is, if you are having a good time and feel good, the chances are good she does too.

M Sharina


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Mistress Sharina,

thanks very much for the time taken to answer my question. The main issue is I'm not a client and have trouble finding my place. The last thing I want is to appear as if I want her to change. It's my issue and one we'll talk about. I have to find a balance. Which for me, is very difficult. Emotional Intelligence is thrown around a lot.
It questions every part of me and there are feelings of being a hypocrite. There is self awareness as a primal motivator and it motivates a sense of free falling. Like the poem suggests. I'm trying to absorb the facts and become more informed. There's a horrible fear of continuing.

Maybe, it's not for me. I've challenged myself enough as a person and many times I've fallen hard. It's getting my mind set in some way without the same sabotaging my positive thoughts. Surely this is a common and complex issue?

Once again, I thank you.

Kindly,

Ben

Answer
Ben,

Being with a person whose line of work is sexual in nature, one must be VERY secure in who they are. If you can communicate your issues to her, saying that you love her, trust her and support her in her life, you may continue to grow as a couple. I would say that communication is the most important thing.

I understand this on the other end, because I have been lucky enough to find a man to share my life with who understands the ((nature)) of domination. He understands that although it is sexual in nature, there is NO sex, OR oral sex and that a skilled dominant who prides him or herself in their craft, would never compromise (or complicate) that professional relationship.

Her clients will form a connection to her, that's natural. She will form a connection to her clients, that is also natural, but the intimacy one shares in a romantic relationship is entirely different.

It is possible Ben, that this kind of a relationship is not for you. A woman who works with other's fetishes and kinks truly needs a strong man in her life to ground her. This is a place of trust for a woman and I know of many women who have a partner in a successful and long lasting relationship. It takes a certain kind of man. It takes a man who is solid, powerful in his own right and unwavering in his faith in the relationship.

I will also say as an aside, that most of the people I see professionally are good basic people and they come from all walks of life. They aren't looking to complicate their lives, on the contrary. They are looking to experience their kink, pay a tribute for it and then go home to their happy vanilla lives. Even if a client feels something more for his Mistress than he knows he should, he also knows it must stay as a fantasy AND it shouldn't be because she tells him she is in relationship with someone, it should be because he knows his place.

We are all on a specific kind of learning journey in our lives and relationships teach us more about life than anything. Notice yourself when an emotion crops up that doesn't feel right. Acknowledge the emotion, say, "thank you for sharing". and ask yourself why you think you feel that way. Chances are, it stems from your own emotional insecurities, and that my friend, will ruin your relationship.

M Sharina