Sounding Makes Music

BDSM Question: Is Sounding Pleasurable?

From: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
Date: Wed, May 10, 2023 at 10:17 PM
Subject: Sounding
To: Sharina Nicole <This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.>

Mistress Sharina:

When researching "Sounding" as part of CBT Play i have heard that it is extremely pleasurable. However; i haven't heard of any one actually having this procedure done on them. Perhaps with Your experience with Your submissives You can give me direction as to whether this would fit into O/our next session.

Yours submissively; G
 
G,



Mistress Sharina's Answer:
From: "Sharina Nicole" <This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.>
To: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
Sent: Wed, May 17, 2023 at 5:19 PM
Subject: Re: Sounding

Sounding can be most pleasurable. One might not know how much until you actually experience it.

I've played with people who were open to it, but then the "actual idea" of it combined with an "out of control feeling" of being penetrated in this way is overwhelming.

I remember when I first did this with a person. I was co-dominating with a male dominant who could barely watch me do it. He had to stand several feet away in order to observe. Having the same "equipment" was daunting to him, not just the idea of it happening to someone else, but the idea it could happen to someone else right in front of his eyes! Empathy kicks in...

I digress, but you get the point about "the idea" of it being different than the actual experience.

The feeling is akin to the sensation of needing to urinate. Some find this very pleasurable, AND, I'd say it's more than that. There is a wonderful intensity. I can only speak to my own experiences of my own urethra. But as I ask others with a male urethra, the feelings are quite similar, and also unique to each.

I have MANY different sounding devices in all shapes and sizes as well as electro-stimulation and vibration. So many ways to incorporate other sensations to it.

Being able to couple some forms of CBT (Cock and ball torment/or bondage) or even things like anal training can add an element of intensity that can totally blow one's mind.

In order to prepare, it's important to be in the right head space of acceptance. You would  also want to drink water, enough to flush the acid from your urine so after a sounding session, it will not burn your urethra when you pee.

It's easier if you have a dominant who knows how to read energy. It needs to be good, it needs to be pleasurable and this is NOT an area (the urethra) where you want to inflict pain.

I'd say, "trust" is a good place to start. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Exploration is King 🤴

M Sharina

BDSM Questions and Answers: Age and BDSM

Here's how this thought got started.♥️

I received an email regarding a session that occurred, and I decided to share part of it here because I think this is something many people go through. In my opinion, mainly men.

SESSION INTERESTS are age play / regression, medical play, behavior modification, nurturing, OTK coercive training and behavior punishment

On Sun, Sep 11, 2022 at 7:20 AM, This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. wrote:

"The last couple of years has been difficult in my ability and desire to play. I’m sure it has to do with time moving along in my life."

My response:

It's ok. It's interesting how the body changes. Two things may happen. Events in life cause pause and maybe even guilt consumes us consciously or unconsciously. The other thing that happens is, our kink is our respite and a therapeutic outlet. The mind may always have a desire, but the body becomes unresponsive because of age, stress or medical history.

I think desire is all a person needs to explore their kink whether the body responds like it did in the teens and twenties or not.

We'll explore and just have fun with it. No pressure to perform and I'll go super light on the OTK. Lots of nurturing...

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS:

Along these same lines, it is important to say HOW we use a session when our mind is not in alignment with our emotional base.

Our bodies are quite interesting, but it is the mind that guides us. We may experience depression and anxiety for reasons not known to us right away. But because our mind is connected to the body, the body acts out through the mind. Our emotional well being is connected to things that happen to us and these events seed themselves and the reaction is depression and anxiety or something else.

Further along the lines of this, we self sooth through alcohol and chemical dependency, food and yes pain addiction.

Not everyone who craves a "vacation" through a session has anxiety, depression or any number of emotional upsets. But many things may happen to us to want to relieve stress, or just alter our body chemicals so we feel right again.

Know that we all go through times of "numbness" and feeling flat. My suggestion would be to open yourself up to moving through it without expectations. Sometimes it is tactile stimulation, sensory deprivation, bondage and powerlessness so that whatever happens, you have no control and it's ok.

This is one of the ways I can work with you and the situation you may be in, which is unique to you.

M Sharina

NOTE:
I work with people on an individual bases. I do not play with all people the same. Obviously this man enjoys and needs a more intense spanking which is more than a simple OTK lighthearted spanking. Which in essence is why he wants to share it with his wife and requests some guidance.

Question: How to ask my wife to see a Dominatrix?

From: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
Date: Wed, Feb 8, 2023 at 8:55 PM
Subject: How to ask my wife to see a Dominatrix
To: Sharina Nicole <This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.>

Mistress Sharina Nicole:

i want to start by saying O/our first session was an extraordinary experience. i know seeing a Dominatrix isn't about sexual fulfillment and i would like my vanilla wife's permission or even her presence during a session. i would like Your advice on how to proceed

i have been struggling on how to approach this subject. Do You have any ideas on how i can communicate my need for domination? When i first met with Madeline my Wife was present. However; She may be appalled by the intensity of what You offer. i would GREATLY appreciate any assistance from You.

Yours submissively;

Mistress Sharina's Answer:
From: "Sharina Nicole" <This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.>
To: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
Sent: Fri, Feb 10, 2023 at 11:30 AM

Subject: Re: Fwd: How to ask my wife to see a Dominatrix

Trying to answer my emails today and I see you have some urgency about your question.

Your sweet wife has so far indulged just a bit of your kink to the best of her ability by joining you in a strictly spanking session with a professional spanker. Because of this, and not knowing your wife, I'd say she loves you enough to try to understand. She agreed to be there and observe you being spanked. It may be, she has observed and does not want to see it again. It is odd for a wife to see her husband over the knees of a woman and then be spanked.

The main issue a partner has about a kink, is that they don't "understand" it. They may never understand it. It is a hard fact to know, but you have been honest with her and this is more than most men will ever do in fear they will be seen different from their agreed upon roles. It is also a risk because truly, their secret is out.

There are two ways to go about this. One, see if she has any interest in coming with you to another appointment. As you know, I am very methodical with a warm up to intensity. But you don't mark or bruise easily so a good bottom spanking with my hand and implements, it would seem accumulative to you in a good way, possibly a satisfyingly harsh way, but for her, she might not notice it as much. I would talk with her, tell her the why's of it, the info she'd need to understand overall why this is a necessary thing for you and most people who seek it.

If she enjoys a nice cocktail or glass of wine,  It would help to lighten her anxiety, and in doing so, a conversational beginning in my traditional sofa room will make it an easier transition and the first step in entering the main room. I do have a way of making partners feel comfortable with or without a cocktail. When there is a kind of trepidation about taking this step, I dress in comfortable attire as opposed to dominatrix attire in order to form a rapport and a trusting relationship so she and I are on the same level.

If she has no interest, the key would be for you to get her permission to session alone. It is important for you to be easy going and understanding about it. If you are in resistance to her answer, it will be normal for her to push back with resistance. This may be the first time you broach the subject. If it isn't, make this time different. Often times when a partner is included, it is a PROCESS. Men are a bit more cut and dried. Women process things a lot slower than men because they tend to be a bit more emotional.

Tell her, "Honey, I don't know why, but sharing this with you is very important to me and I understand why it is a foreign idea to you. I'm just grateful that I can be honest with you and tell you about it. I wanted to share it with you because I love you."

Keep it simple. No pressure, easy going, and say less. In this conversation it's very important not to pressure a resolution. LISTEN to her. Keep it open ended and neutral. Find the right time to talk about it. You'll know when it's right, you'll feel it in your gut. Eventually you'll be able to ask her how she feels about you receiving a spanking session alone. It really is no different than going in to see a chiropractor for an adjustment. In terms of a spanking, you actually need the endorphins to help you feel balanced just like a person whose skeletal system needs to be adjusted.

I'd be happy to chat with her over the phone, but my instinct tells me if she is not someone who feels comfortable speaking with a person who is known for her "dominance," email conversations work better. She can treat it like a "Dear Abby" and ask me what she needs to. "My husband likes a hard spanking and I don't get it and I wish he didnt like it." "Absolutely, I totally understand. There WAS a time when I first heard about people enjoying spankings. This was long before I began to understand the dynamics of kinky play and I thought it was nuts. Now, I understand EVERY aspect if it.

So, I hope this helps. Certainly it is understandable that it may take a bit of time, (or not) and to know at the very least, she has opened the door a big crack already to understand you, whom she obviously loves.

M Sharina

BDSM Questions Answered By Mistress Sharina Nicole: BREATH PLAY

Sharina's Note: When you appear to have a compulsive personality, there may be warning signs to kinky play . . .

BDSM Question to Mistress Sharina:

From:  This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
To: "This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it."
Sent: Thu, Sep 8, 2022 at 1:04 AM
Subject: help if you can

I read your take on fetishes going away and completely agree. I am happily married to the woman I love the most in this world, but every week I have this urge to research powerful women with very large penis' bringing a man to the edge of either death or a hospital. When my wife and I have sex she chokes me, it's the only way I can relieve myself. She is strong, but my ultimate fantasy is a woman 7' tall with 11" that is as dominant as it gets, someone that when I knock on the door she opens it and I am instantly scared for my life. I do live in Minneapolis as well, what can I do to stop my weekly alcohol and porn urges, is there something you can help me with?

Sharina's Answer:

It is difficult to advise you with no tangible information about you in general. Although I have many insights about kink, fetish and addiction, I am not a licensed therapist, which I would advise you to seek out in a "KAP" (Kink Aware Professional) as well as to insert yourself into an AA group (Alcoholics Anonymous) to help you with the basics a program like this can offer to you. If you think you might have a problem, you probably do.

KAP Directory:

https://www.kapprofessionals.org/kap_directory/wpbdm-region/minnesota/page/2/

To be clear, I do not believe a "fetish" ever goes away. Remember,  there are differences in FETISHES and KINKS. A kink is like a quirky sexual thing. A fetish is something you are usually engrained in from an early age  

The main thing about addiction that is very important to note is the  unmanageability process that signals something is wrong. Trying to rectify the situation on your own can be futile.

Further, if any area of your life becomes unmanageable because of your addiction, it's a direct signal to you there is something wrong and needs to be addressed.

Lots of people have a fetish which is the basis for their sexual life and sometimes the core of their entire life. Take a foot fetish obsession for example. Most fetishist have learned to incorporate their addiction and it's no harm to anyone, not even themselves and it IS an addiction.

Fetish can be viewed as a compulsion, but it can also be viewed as a more unique way of your own personal sexual health.  While there are some people who thrive on no frills sex, there are others who thrive on a sexually charged experience that includes their fetish or kink.

In saying that for the masses, dangers do abide. Breath play, asphyxiation edge play and CHOKING are definitive ways that DO lead to unsafe play. Why? Because you'll always be looking for a sharper edge, a bigger high and with some people it is death defying. ("Look, I lived through it again. I'm ok")

Take for instance this example. A friend of mine was getting ready to do a photo shoot with a well known publisher of a fetish magazine. She and a few others walked in on this man who was asphyxiated and dead. He was using nitrous oxide alone (even though I would not recommend breath play edging either alone or with someone) and it was dangerous, unsafe, so he died. Shocking visual and quite sad.

So, I do not recommend you engage in this type of play. I'd also want to ask if your wife knows CPR? Could she have resuscitated you in the event of an actual emergency?

The other IMPORTANT thing to know is that DEPRIVING THE BODY OF QXYGEN FOR PERIODS OF TIME OVER YEARS IS ACCUMULATIVE Meaning, slowly the body becomes weaker and one day (with it or without nitrous oxide) you die.

Take me seriously in this because this kind of attraction towards choking is a bit like alcoholism and is PROGRESSIVE. It ESCALATES and you think you might be fine, but you're just riding that wave looking for bigger waves. You don't want to put your wife in a situation where she is held responsible for an accidental death.

Your inclination to your compulsive behavior through alcohol, porn and choking are warning signs.

M Sharina